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Why does my ex get a karmic pass while I suffer?

Karma Cleanser: Will it come back to bite you?



Dear Karma Cleanser:

I was having dinner with my friend Katey, who has a big mouth and always gives me updates on people we used to know. The dinner was going great until Katey mentioned that she had bumped into my ex-boyfriend. Keep in mind that this was a man who I thought I was going to marry. We dated for almost five years, until I found out he had cheated on me and lied about it. That was a year ago and we no longer talk.

Katey let me know that my ex is looking "very handsome" these days and that he has a new job making more money. He has started going to the gym and has lost weight. I told Katey I didn't want to hear anymore, but she said I needed to "just move on." I told her to continue.

The last thing she said was that my ex is now seeing someone and they are talking about marriage. This piece of news almost made me weep.

I know it's not right of me to wish harm on any person and that I should take Katey's advice and move on. But it seems very unfair to me that this guy is now doing so great, considering all the shit he put me through. I can't help but ask what he did to get a pass from karma, while I am the one who continues to suffer.

– Ditched, Not Hitched

Stop for a moment and imagine things from your ex's perspective. Of course he's going to gush to your buddy about how marvelous his life is, because he knows she's a hopeless blabbermouth who can't help but relay the news to you. And even if everything your friend reported is true, it's really none of your business – nor hers. The universe doles out consequences according to its own wisdom, and the particulars of your ex's karma will most likely never be seen by anyone other than himself. If nothing else, you should pity the poor girl he's preparing to marry; you know all too well the flavor of hell she's about to experience.

Dear Karma Cleanser:

Do you ever hear back from any of the people who send you their problems? Are there cases where the person writes again in a few months to say, "You know, you were right, I did need to forgive my father and move back to Mississippi," or anything like that?

I'd very much like to see a "where are they now" edition of the Karma Cleanser. Is such a thing feasible or am I alone in my curiosity?

– Summer Reruns

Thanks for the inquiry, Summer Reruns. We do occasionally hear from former Karma, um, Querents, but not nearly as often as we'd like. If anyone would like to offer an update on how things turned out, send us a note and we'll devote a future column to follow-up letters.

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