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What's brown and sticky?

A stick



The joke in the headline is my new favorite joke. I've told it at least 30 times in the past two weeks and no less than six times last weekend. Only one person laughed, and she may have just been laughing at me for telling it. I put it in the headline because I kind of feel sorry for it. It's a great joke and it deserves attention. I would keep it for myself, but I don't have time to properly care for it. I hope that someone will see it on this page and adopt it. Even jokes need love.

Rags at Rich's: Saturday night is not only an excellent night for fighting, but a fine night as well for Rich's Divas and Dames fashion show at Lenox Square to benefit local breast cancer organizations. Co-sponsored by Atlanta magazine, the event featured a fashion show, a silent art auction (both the art and auction were silent), and great food.

The art auction consisted of several female mannequin torsos, elaborately decorated by different artists. A few of them featured floral designs. One of them had a Starry Night-like Statue of Liberty scene painted on it. The strangest was one with pictures of famous beautiful women pasted onto it. While no one was looking, I bent down to see who the artist painted onto the crotch. It was Ashley Judd with her mouth open.

Speaking of open mouths, the food was delicious as well. The platter of roast beef looked particularly juicy (but I didn't eat any). Making the whole third floor of Rich's smell like chocolate was Chef Hilly and his hot chocolate blend. According to the press release, Hilly's chocolate won "Best In Show" at the Atlanta Gourmet Show. That was a funny movie.

I'm perhaps not the best judge of these things, but the fashion show was pretty funny. Nelly's "Hot In Herre" seems an odd musical selection for a fashion show. You'd figure they would have picked a song with a more pro-clothing message. My favorite part was when the men modeled unzipped winter coats with nothing but their shirtless and hairless chests underneath. It was sort of the upper body equivalent of modeling chaps with no pants on underneath. Sexy.

Day Of The Living Dead: Despite worrying that it was all just a clever ploy by the cemetery's zombies to get their rotting hands on some fresh brains to eat, I took a deep breath and visited Oakland Cemetery for Sunday in the Park 2002. I was relieved to find out that instead of self-exhumed, cunning zombies, the event was organized by the cemetery's caretakers to celebrate the cemetery's 152nd birthday.

I learned quite a lot while I was there. For example, at the Teddy Bear Tea, hosted by storyteller Cathy Kaemerlen to entertain the kids, I learned that this is the 100th anniversary of the teddy bear and that toy bears used to be made of metal. Visiting Margaret Mitchell's grave, I learned that she died Aug. 16, the same date Elvis Presley died. How come nobody I know has ever noticed that the South's two greatest cultural icons died on the same day?

Other festivities included open mausoleum displays, lots of people dressed up in Victorian wear (not a festivity exactly, I know ), live music (get it, live music) and a screening of the classic '80s comedy Better Off Dead. OK, I made that last part up. But they did have a golf swing clinic, which to me seems as odd as showing the movie, even if Bobby Jones is buried there.

GEOGRAPHY ROCK: Until Sunday night when I saw them at The Earl, I had never heard Moreland Audio's music, but I've loved their name since I first heard it. Along with The Pleasantdales (now defunct, I think), they deserve some sort of award for dryly humorous incorporation of local geography into a band name.

Moreland Audio is a three-piece instrumental band featuring two guitarists and a drummer. For you local music nerds out there who like to know these things, the two guitarists are Ben Davis and Gary Flom, formerly of Purkinje Shift. I hate trying to describe instrumental music, but here goes: angular, piercing, violent, jerky, driving. Fans of XTC, try to imagine the song "Paper & Iron" without singing and you'll know how Moreland Audio sound. Great band.

No Whey: Early Sunday evening, all the cool kids were at White Hall on Emory University's campus to see Shivan Perwer, the fantastic Kurdish musician. Brought to the campus by Cultural Cornerstones and the university's Department of Middle Eastern Studies, Perwer played a mix of traditional Kurdish music, and his own compositions. The energy of the crowd was electrifying. Perwer got a standing ovation when he took the stage. For the uptempo songs, rows swayed back and forth in unison, usually singing along in Kurdish. As Perwer explained at one point, Kurdish people love to dance. So with no room to stand, they simply danced in their seats. He even told a joke about how one of Saddam Hussein's henchmen planned to defeat the Kurds by playing music so they'd dance instead of fighting back.

The crowd was about two-thirds Kurdish, but nevertheless Perwer spoke English between songs. His English is quite good (certainly better than my Kurdish). Before the intermission, he promised that he'd be back in a few minutes to play some more "excited songs." A grammatical error, yes, but entirely true.

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