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An undercover vice officer placed an escort ad and rented a Midtown hotel room on 14th Street to report this next one. A woman answered the ad and "agreed to meet me at my hotel room for a donation amount of $200," the officer wrote. When the woman arrived, "she reminded me if I remembered the donation amount. I told her that I did, counted the $200 out in front of her. Then, she told me to place the money underneath her cell phone on the nightstand on the right side of the bed." The officer complied — putting the $200 under the phone. The woman had several rules for contact: "She told me that I can't kiss her or suck on her breast because she is breast-feeding," the officer recalled. "Next, she asked me what's my favorite position. I told her 'doggy style' and she said that's her favorite position, too."

The officer inquired about two specific areas of exploration. "I asked her if I can eat her pussy — she told me no because that's one of the ways she protects herself," he recalled.  "Finally, I asked her if she can suck on my toes if I have nice feet. She told me no, she doesn't do that." The officer called backup units to his hotel room. The woman, a 20-year-old from Marietta, went to jail on prostitution charges.

HOKEY JOKESTER: Two sassy young ladies approached an undercover officer on McDaniel Street and initiated a chat. "I asked them their names and they told me Heaven and Hope," the officer recalled. "I told them that I hope I can be in heaven soon — and they laughed. I asked them can I get with them and they said it depends on what I want." The two ladies said they were going to the nearby "yellow store," and hopped into the officer's unmarked car for a ride. The officer asked one woman how much she charges for her time. She said between $30-$40. Then, he asked the other woman "how much would it cost me to have a threesome with both of them?" She answered $100. The officer asked the other woman if she was cool with a threesome — and she said yes. Then, the officer signaled for backup units to move in. The two women, ages 20 and 24, went to jail on prostitution charges.

PRISTINE GREENS INVASION: Cops got a call about a guy trespassing on Little Mountain Golf Course. Two officers drove there to check it out. They found the man, who was no longer walking on the (private) golf course. Instead, he was strolling down the (public) road bordering the golf course. So charging him with trespassing was not an option. However, the man's pants posed a legal problem. "His pants fell down constantly, exposing his buttocks and genitals," an officer wrote. "We asked him repeatedly to pull up his pants and tighten his belt so that he would stop exposing himself on a city street — but he refused to do so." He's not a young guy with fashionably baggy pants — the suspect is age 60. The man went to jail on an indecency charges.

FRIENDSHIP FOUL: A very drunk Marietta woman was crying and screaming that her friends abandoned her at a South Buckhead apartment complex. The woman was throwing a fit and banging on apartment doors around 4 a.m. — and someone called the cops to Brookwood Valley Circle. The hysterical woman kept screaming that her friends deserted her. Police tried to figure out what happened. The woman said she went drinking with her friends, but she couldn't remember the names of any bars they visited — or her friends' names, for that matter. An officer said the woman must leave the apartment complex because she was acting crazy — and offered to call her a taxi. "I can't pay a fucking $100 cab bill," the woman screamed. The officer offered to call an ambulance to take the woman to a safe location. "I can't pay a fucking $1,000 ambulance bill," the woman screamed. "All they want to do is charge you money — they don't want to help." (Note: Piedmont Hospital is just across the street from this apartment complex. The woman could have walked to Piedmont for help.) Instead, she went to jail for disorderly conduct.

SEVEN-YEAR ITCH: An officer saw a black car fishtail on Cascade Road — the car skidded until "it stopped very near my patrol car," the officer wrote. Suddenly, a 47-year-old man ran out of the car — while holding a knife high up in the air. "Help me, help me!" the man yelled, as he ran toward the cop. Drop the knife, the cop ordered. The man complied — and flung the knife into the street — and kept running toward the cop. The agitated man was bleeding from his right thigh. The cop called the man's wife, who said her husband had been missing for two days and she knew he was alive only because he kept withdrawing money from their bank account. The man said he wanted the following statement included in his police report, as his explanation. "I haven't drank or used drugs in seven years and had a bad relapse and drank and smoked crack. When I was high on crack, a demon possessed me."

Items in the Blotter are taken from actual Atlanta police reports. The Blotter Diva compiles them and puts them into her own words.

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