Gwen Stefani ain't my hollaback girl. That's why I didn't even try to call her for an interview.
But that means I've been forced to actually do some Internet research on the performer I'm writing about, and it's been an interesting experience. For instance, did you know that Stefani used to be in a band called No Doubt? And she totally dated one of the guys in the band! But they broke up! Then, when things started to go well for the band (and people started treating Gwen like a star), the band took a hiatus.
Now Stefani's married to Kurt Cobain-wannabe Gavin Rossdale, best known as leader of Bush. And she has her first solo album out, Love.Angel.Music.Baby., which has every popular musical style of the last 20 years represented on it, except for her husband's grunge and, interestingly, ska, which is the type of music Stefani and her No Doubt mates played in the first place. Further, the first letters of each word in the album create the acronym L.A.M.B., which is the corporate name of Stefani's burgeoning fashion empire. Coincidence?
There's more. In celebration of my research achievements, I've created a quiz for you to ponder while I forever wait for Gwen's hollaback, yo. Enjoy.
1) True or false: Gwen is the first recording artist to register 1 million downloads of a single song on iTunes.
2) True or false: If Gwen was the first artist to register 1 million downloads of a single song on iTunes, her response was, "It really is bananas."
3) Which song below is NOT written and performed by Gwen?
A) "Harajuku Girls"
B) "Hollaback Girl"
C) "Rich Girl"
D) "Just a Girl"
E) "Girls, Girls, Girls"
4) Pick the line that is NOT a lyric sung by Gwen on her hit single "Hollaback Girl":
A) "This champagne tastes like shit."
B) "This shit is bananas."
C) "Ooooh ooh, this my shit, this my shit."
D) None of the above
5) Of the answers below, which one is NOT a play name for Gwen's Harajuku Girls, who populate her videos and follow her around during public appearances in their Hello Kitty-meets-Lolita couture:
6) Harajuku is:
A) A mountain in the Japanese city of Tokyo
B) Colorful, squishy candies
C) A five-mile-long shopping mall in Hong Kong
D) A place where more and more sexual predators are going to start hanging out
7) Who would win a downtown Tokyo fight over damsel-in-distress Gwen?
D) I don't care
8) Pokemon is:
D) Currently touring America, just like Gwen
E) All of the above
1) True. 2) True, though the answer was longer than that. 3) E, Mötley Crüe did "Girls, Girls, Girls." Duh. 4) A. 5) D. 6) D. 7) B, because he has the best outfit. 8) E.