LADIES-OF-THE-NIGHT SAMPLER PACK: Every once in a while, Atlanta cops decide to stretch their acting talents and mount an undercover vice operation targeting low-priced hookers. The result: The Blotter Diva spends a few hours plowing through piles of "solicitation" reports. Here are a few weird come-ons, strange sales techniques and titillating offers from our sassy strumpets.
SCARY SPICE: An undercover officer said a woman flagged him down on James P. Brawley Drive and Jones Avenue. According to the officer's report, the woman said, "You are not the police, tell me so I can kill you now." Then she allegedly offered to give the officer oral sex in exchange for $20. The 44-year-old woman was arrested for solicitation.
OLD SPICE: An officer was working undercover on Hollywood Road. He said a woman flagged him down and hopped into his car. "When I stopped, she then asked me if I was them folks [police]," the officer wrote. "Then, [the woman] stated that she would give me 'head' and let me cum in her mouth for $30. She went on to state that if I chose not to cum in her mouth, that it would only be $20. [The woman] even went on to state that she would take her teeth out while she performed the act for me." She was arrested for soliciting sex.
INFLATION SPICE: An officer said he was working undercover when a woman flagged him down at the intersection of Hollywood Road and Donald Lee Hollowell Parkway. The woman offered to perform oral and genital sex for $25, the officer noted. "[She] then showed me her tongue and then raised the price to $40." Police arrested the 26-year-old woman for soliciting sex.
BOLD SPICE: An undercover officer said a woman flagged him down at the intersection of Hollywood Road and North Grand Avenue. "When I stopped [the woman] asked me if I was the police," the officer wrote. "When I said no, [the woman] stated that she was 'Freaky' and would lick my butt and suck my dick from the rear" in addition to genital sex, all for $30 cash. "Freaky" is a 24-year-old woman. She was arrested for soliciting sex.
FAMILY TIES: On Laurel Drive, a 40-year-old man said his uncle threatened him with bodily harm. He said his uncle wrote him a letter in March that informed him that he was no longer safe. He said his uncle believes he is having an affair with his uncle's girlfriend. He said his uncle is a Vietnam War veteran who sees a psychiatrist at the VA Hospital in Decatur, and his uncle is armed with a .22 caliber gun. According to the police report, the man also said he saw Satanic stars and the symbol 666 all over his house -- and his uncle put those symbols there.
PARK N' CUT: Around 1 a.m., an officer saw a gold Ford Focus sitting in Anderson Park. The officer spoke with the driver, a 20-year-old man -- and told the driver he was violating the city of Atlanta park ordinance. The man replied, "This is where I cut my hair at night." He got a ticket for illegally using the park at night.
DUMB AND DUMBER: A 39-year-old woman called police about her missing cell phone. She said that three days earlier she rented her car to a man in exchange for some crack cocaine. She said when she got her car back, her cell phone was missing from inside the car. She knows the man's first name is Tabais -- but she doesn't know his last name.
Also, a 52-year-old man said his black Chevy Tahoe was stolen while he went inside a store to get beer on Perkenson Road. He said he left his keys in the car – along with two men. "He stated he was with two males he met the day before, but could not provide any names," an officer wrote. "After talking to [the man], he admitted that he had not been home in two days and he had been smoking crack cocaine. He also said he had loaned his car to one of the men the day before for crack cocaine."
THE LAST KING OF SCOTLAND? An officer responded to a call about a trespasser at a hotel on Peachtree Center Avenue. A security guard said he had asked a man to leave the hotel three times, but the man refused. The officer talked to the man and encouraged him to leave. The man replied, "I came to get my badge and take it back to Scotland. Now you get out; this is my property." The 33-year-old man was arrested and taken to the psychiatric ward at Grady Memorial Hospital.
INQUIRING MIND: An officer responded to a call about a prowler on West Avenue. A security guard said a man had been going through residents' patio furniture, as if he wanted to take the items. The guard said he asked the man to leave, but the man refused. According to the officer, the man was slurring his words and smelled strongly of alcohol. The officer wrote: "He offered no valid explanation for going through residents' patio furniture other than they 'made him curious.'" The 50-year-old man was charged with disorderly conduct under the influence.
Items in the Blotter are taken from actual Atlanta police reports. The Blotter Diva compiles them and puts them into her own words. Want more? Listen to the Blotter Diva on 92.9's (Dave FM) "The Zakk Tyler Morning Show" every Tuesday between 6:30-7 a.m.