I'm a male freak and love pussy. My girlfriend knows I have a high sex drive and uses it against me when I want some and she wants to be lazy. I'm starting to notice that when I say something bad, naughty or on the topic of sex, she looks at me like I'm a kid cursing or she says, "Babe, stop." So we conflict now. What's happening to our relationship? When I met her two years ago, she wanted sex all the time until our son was born a year ago. Please let me know because I love sex and her equally and I feel like sex every three weeks isn't making me feel like the man anymore, but I never cheat or want to at all.
— Gagging For It
Indulge me in a story. A Jewish grandma and her grandson are at the beach.
He's playing in the water. She's on the shore not wanting to get her feet wet, when all of a sudden, a huge wave appears from nowhere and crashes directly onto the spot where the boy is wading. The water recedes and the boy is no longer there. He was swept away.
The grandma holds her hands to the sky, screams and cries: "Lord, how could you? Haven't I been a wonderful grandmother? Haven't I been a wonderful mother? Haven't I kept a kosher home? Haven't I given to the B'nai B'rith? Haven't I lit candles every Friday night? Haven't I tried my very best to live a life that you would be proud of?"
A voice booms from the sky, "All right, already!"
A few moments later, another huge wave appears out of nowhere and crashes on the beach. As the water recedes, the boy is there, smiling and splashing around as if nothing had happened.
The voice booms again, "I have returned your grandson. Are you satisfied?"
She responds, "He had a hat."
My point, and I do have one, is that nagging will only get you so far before it works against you. You're at the stage where your girlfriend hears everything you say as, "He had a hat." And of course, wants to smite you for it.
For some reason, men think if they present their women with a list of sexual demands and pound the desk hard enough, they'll get their point across. But if you want her to harden something other than her position, you're going to have to change tactics.
I would tell you to talk to her about it, but there's something about your knuckle-dragging email that tells me that the only thing that would come out of your mouth would be, "HE HAD A HAT!" Instead, here's what I'd do: Shut up and take up the slack.
Do the dishes, take out the garbage, draw her a bath. Give her some "me" time by taking over for a couple of nights and pushing her out the door to be with friends, read a book or whatever she needs to decompress from the 24/7 demands of a small child.
See, if you haven't noticed, she's exhausted. Not only did pregnancy put her body in a hormonal hurricane from which she's probably still recovering, she's most likely doing all the housework and most of the kid-raising. Right now, she's seeing you as yet another demanding child tugging at her body with insistent needs.
By giving her what she needs, she'll give you what you want. And more importantly, you'll rekindle the sexual light that seems to have gone out of her.
When young mothers feel rested, valued and supported in raising their children, their sexual appetite perks right up. Bottom line: If you want more sex, do more housework.
Got a burning or a why-is-it-burning question for the Sexorcist? Email him at email@example.com. Mike Alvear is the author of a line of How To Meet Guys On Facebook and teaches monthly blogging workshops with Hollis Gillespie.