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Sassy mouth

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A wrecked Jeep Wrangler leaking radiator fluid was sitting at Hamilton and Garrett streets. "It was parked facing the wrong direction with its hazard lights on and a case of water bottles on the road in front of it," an officer noted. As cops were investigating, a tipsy couple staggered up to the car. The guy said the Jeep belonged to him and that they'd been in a car accident and he left to get water for the radiator. Cops asked him about the bottle of wine sitting in the jeep's front seat. The man said the wine belonged to his girlfriend.

Police arrested the man for DUI and offered the girlfriend a courtesy ride home. While waiting for the wrecker, the girlfriend said she had to pee. The cop noted, "I told her she could go to the nearby businesses and use the bathrooms there ... she stated that she couldn't make it and proceeded to squat next to the sidewalk in plain view of public." After she pulled up her pants the cop arrested her. "Lawyer!" she yelled. Then she went bonkers. According to the police report, the woman told the cop, "I'm gonna fuck you up the ass." She also threatened to sue the cops. "She stated we were young punks, and we were just trying to meet our quotas — and didn't know the law," the officer wrote.

The woman kicked the windows of the patrol car and thrashed around. At the jail, a nurse said the woman was too drunk to be locked up and denied her admission. The woman was sent to Grady Memorial Hospital's drunk tank. En route to Grady, the woman told the reporting officer that he has at "two-inch dick" and was "impotent" and "couldn't please anyone." The cop noted, "She further stated that she could see my toupee and that my fake-looking toupee couldn't fool anyone." The 34-year-old woman went to jail on multiple charges.

Liquid revenge: A man relieved himself on "a planter wall where people usually sit to relax," an officer wrote. "When he finished urinating, he pulled out a 24-ounce Schlitz Malt Liquor beer and finished it. ... He chugged the beer, then tossed the empty can over his shoulder as he stumbled away. ... This was among several people that were enjoying the good weather at Underground Atlanta." The cop arrested the man for littering and public urination.

The 52-year-old man was not very cooperative and responded in an unusual way: "He urinated again — but this time on himself — before getting transported" to jail, the officer noted. Now he's banned from setting foot at Underground Atlanta for one year.

Visions of Red Man: A 31-year-old woman flagged down police and said she was robbed of her cell phone, $82 cash, and all her Xanax pills. She said that she was staying at a motel on Piedmont Road when she met a woman who asked for a ride to a notoriously sleazy motel on Cheshire Bridge Road. The 31-year-old agreed to give the woman a ride and ended up hanging out with her in the motel room. Suddenly, a man wearing a red hat, red shirt, red shoes, and a gold necklace burst into the motel room and demanded her cell phone, cash, and her Xanax. She said the man in red held her in the motel room for at least an hour, even though she never saw a gun.

Eventually, the woman offered to get some ice from the motel's ice machine. She claimed her captors fell for the ice ruse and let her walk out the door — so she ran to her truck and left the motel. Police noted that the motel "is known to be a location where drugs such as meth are sold." Plus, the woman is on probation for meth possession. She "claims to not have used meth in five years and was not going to the [motel] to do drugs."

Problem pie: Cops responded to a pizza dispute in College Park. A 33-year-old woman said she ordered a pizza to be delivered to her home on Pine Gate Drive, but the pizza was not to her satisfaction. She said she called the restaurant to bring her another pizza. According to the woman, a delivery man brought her a replacement pizza but refused to exchange it for her original pizza because she had eaten some of it. She said she asked to speak to a manager, and the pizza-delivery man refused. OK, the woman said, I'll call police. The delivery man allegedly responded by trying to grab the pizza and knocked it to the floor. The woman said when he tried to grab the pizza "his hand brushed against my face," the officer noted. The woman said the delivery man grabbed the pizza off her floor and left.

The officer and the woman went to the restaurant to speak with the delivery man, who said his manager made the original pizza so he knows it was made correctly. He said his manager instructed him to take the replacement pizza to the woman's apartment, but told him not to accept the pizza if a full slice had been eaten. He said the woman ate more than a slice — more like half the pizza — before deciding it was not to her satisfaction. The officer filed an information report. No charges were filed.

Sad souls: A 75-year-old woman said she went to a local casket and urn store and bought $1,500 worth of stuff for her husband's grave site. She said she paid with two checks and showed police her receipt for the graveyard items. Days later, she returned to the store to pick up her purchases, but it was closed down. The police officer noted, "The woman said the business had been shown on the news, due to other customers complaining of not getting what they paid for."

Items in the Blotter are taken from actual Atlanta police reports. The Blotter Diva compiles them and puts them into her own words.

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