Page 11 of 21
- BEN WATTS
Atlanta's Most Hated No. 11: Justin Bieber
We caught Bieber fever! Then we got very, very sick.
"Help! My wife is going to name my son 'Justin Bieber' if I don't get 1 million likes! Please help me out so that this disgrace to society doesnt happen!" — Mark Manderson, Don'tLetMyBabyGetNamedJustinBieber Facebook page
He's Justin flippin' Bieber! His antics are downright addictive. Remember when he escaped from a bunch of screaming fans on his Segway? Or the time he Segway-raced Elisabeth Hasselbeck on "The View"? OK, so his antics mostly involved Segways before he turned 18, but still. Now that his preferred mode of transportation is a $100,000 chromed-out Fisker Karma, we have the right to abhor him with a breed of hate typically reserved for Washington politicians and Wall Street bankers. Ever since he was born a little YouTube baby — wrapped in swaddling clothing and lying in a manger — he's been groomed for his ultimate destiny as this generation's sacrificial lamb chop. Simply and sickly, we need Bieber. We crave his young and uneducated flesh like zombies on bath salts. The fella has single-handedly reanimated what is no doubt a small, corpse-like army of grubby record company executives, death-starved for talent and attention, who have since proceeded to exploit the tar out of him for their own personal gain. And let's not forget meeee — the whiny, cynical music critic, who has rarely been handed such an effortless excuse to complain about the superficiality of the music industry. All of us, rolling around together in this goopy puddle of delicious, nutritious Bieber. Don't worry — there's enough to go around.
He's Justin flippin' Bieber. You just shuddered simply from reading his name. Do we really need to spell it out for you? The born-again manchild has come to represent everything soulless and unholy about the cookie-cutter pop music factory dot com. Yet, some things have changed about the Biebz in the last two years. Namely, his voice: His new album, Believe (out this week), showcases the soulful thickening of his vocal chords; he practically sounds like a white Justin Timberlake now! Then there's his new nickname: "Lil Swaggy," as bestowed on him by Atlanta's own 2 Chainz. A fresh haircut: Call it the spiky upsweep. And his recent change of address: Though he still keeps a crib in the A, he purchased a $6.5 million home in Calabasas, Calif., last month. But he's still as much a creation of Atlanta as he is the product of his mother's Canadian uterus. And although the former Atlantan has relocated 2,000 miles away, we couldn't discard Bieber that easily even if we wanted to. His manager, Scooter Braun: Atlantan. His vocal coach, Jan Smith: Atlantan. His bodyguard, Kenny Smith: Atlantan. His RBMG label daddy and musical mentor, Usher: Atlantan. And don't forget his #Swag. That's right, Atlanta. We discovered him, nurtured him, protected him, signed, sealed, and delivered him to the masses. You're welcome. — Gabe Vodicka