In Inman Park, a 29-year-old man said he crawled under the covers next to his lover "to initiate sexual activity," according to the police report. Apparently, his lover wasn't in the mood and alledgedly chased him around the house while screaming, "Get the fuck away from me, bitch!" Finally, the younger male lover caught him and pushed him into a wall. The man said he "understood the refusal" and locked himself in his room. Then he heard his lover knocking furniture around so he called police. The man claimed that his lover was going crazy outside his bedroom and talking about getting a knife. When police arrived, the lover was still screaming. He quickly became apologetic. Neither man was physically hurt. Cops took the 23-year-old lover to jail on a disorderly conduct charge.
ROLL WITH IT: One morning on the Westside, a woman in a wheelchair positioned herself smack in the middle of an intersection, blocking traffic. People honked their horns but the wheelchair woman wasn't moving. Eventually, an officer showed up and rolled the woman out of the street. "She began to curse me out, telling me to get the fuck out of her face," the officer wrote. "She refused to give me her name. She then climbed out of her wheelchair and began to crawl on the ground, down the sidewalk, yelling and cursing." Medics arrived but the woman refused to answer any of their questions. Also, she used "loud and vulgar profanity." The cop did not want to leave the woman crawling on the street, so he charged her with disorderly conduct and took her to jail.
High and dry: A 22-year-old man returned to his Collier Heights apartment after a late night and discovered that his front door was wide open and a two-foot hole was cut into his dry-wall ceiling. His entire apartment was ransacked. Items missing include: two flat-screen TVs, a white polo shirt, a karaoke microphone, a bulletproof vest, a "black service belt," a set of silver handcuffs, a billy club, and a tan Louis Vuitton bag with a Ruger handgun inside. The man said he had purchased the gun at a Tennessee pawn shop and its paperwork was inside the LV bag. An officer looked around and noticed the crawl-space entrance's cover was missing. Apparently, the thief crawled through, sliced into the dry wall, and went to town. The man said he had no idea who might have robbed him. Total value of the missing items is more than $3,300.
MESSAGE MISDIRECTION? In Sylvan Hills, a 27-year-old man returned to his apartment and parked his Chevy Impala outside. When he returned to his car the next day, the phrase "BITCH FUCK" was scratched on the hood and "FUCK YOU" was scratched on the driver's door. All four tires were deflated. Nothing was stolen from the car. The man has no idea who vandalized his car.
AMERICA'S SWEETHEART: An undercover officer was hanging out in Lakewood Heights when a woman walked up and inquired, "What's up? Where are you going?" The officer replied, "With you." The woman asked if he could buy uniforms for her kids at Walmart. The undercover cop said that he only had $30. Apparently uniforms cost more than that. "How about $60 or $70?" the woman asked. The cop said he only had $60. The woman thought about it and then offered to give him "head" for $60, so the cop charged her with soliciting sex. The woman, 21, went to jail on a prostitution charge. Turns out, she's had an active crime life for her young age: She has outstanding warrants for her arrest, including forgery/probation violation in Clayton County and assault in Fulton County.
DRIVING THE POINT HOME: A 42-year-old woman marched into a police precinct to report a spat with her husband. "[My husband] and I were arguing in the car," she told police. "We were on I-85 north ... We took the Freedom Parkway exit and [my Husband's] phone rang while we were arguing. I flicked his phone from him. He abruptly pulled the car over on the interstate and slammed on the brakes. He jumped out of the car and ran to my side of the car. So I locked my door. He opened my daughter's back door to open my door and shouted and pointed, 'I will kick your MF ass. You need to get out of the motherfucking house. Touch me again, and I will kill your mother fucking ass.'" The fight took place in front of the couple's two daughters, who were in the back seat. She wants her husband charged with disturbing the peace. The officer dutifully filed a police report.
ANGRY CHICKEN MAN: A 27-year-old man from South Georgia visited Atlanta. While at a Midtown grocery store, the man allegedly swiped $8.66 worth of chicken tenders and walked out without paying. An officer ran after him and got one handcuff on the guy. Then, the man yelled that he was HIV positive and "worked up saliva in his mouth," the officer wrote. The cop twisted the guy's arm behind his back and got him under control. The officer ran a computer check on the suspect. "He came back as a sex offender but not wanted," the officer noted. The man, who hails from Vienna, Ga., went to jail on a shoplifting charge.
Items in the Blotter are taken from actual Atlanta police reports. The Blotter Diva compiles them and puts them into her own words.