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Karma Cleanser

Should widow stay solo or take friends' advice?


Karma Cleanser

Dear Karma Cleanser:

I am an attractive 54-year-old male. My first love (who I also call my soul mate) and I met when we were 20. We conceived a child and then we were separated for 27 years. We reunited and found the love still burning. After three years together, we got married. She died five months later.

I'm now back living in the South after a six-year exodus to Lake Tahoe. My friends are pestering me to date – anybody – but I refuse.

I have heard their comments: They think I might be gay, that I've "lost it," that maybe I need Viagra. But the truth is I no longer have the need for recreational sex. I'm pretty much at peace with not having had sex for over three years.

Of course, I do miss it. I had a pretty promiscuous youth, and I do enjoy sex. Right now I am just on a more spiritual journey. Though it is important, sex is not No. 1 anymore.

My question is this: Do I let my friends go and continue on a solitary journey? Or is this a challenge for me not to judge them by saying they are out of touch? Is this something I need to grow through or separate myself from?

– Curious

Here's what's really curious. The subject line on the e-mail you sent us said it all: "Cloudy friends." Doesn't that neatly sum up everything you're going through with your penis, er, peanut gallery? You seem to be at peace with yourself and finally at a point in your life when you can set aside the pursuit of sexual escapism in exchange for a spiritual path. That doesn't mean you've "lost it," but it may well indicate that you've outgrown your old friends. Those folks probably meant the world to the old you, and they may well someday come to accept and complement the new you. But for now, they've turned into clouds. Bitchy clouds, from the sound of it. No need to end these friendships with some big, dramatic flare-up; histrionics just aren't pretty when you're over 50. Just gently remove yourself from the most meddlesome people. We also don't believe in the notion of a single soul mate, by the way, but that wasn't really part of your question.

Dear Karma Cleanser:

In the small apartment complex where I live, it seems like half of us are diligent recyclers and the other half just don't give a shit. Recently, a thief hit several of the cars in our parking lot. I noticed that the people on my side of the building, the recyclers, didn't get hit. The other tenants all did.

I'm not saying that recycling saved my car, but I wonder if the two are related.

– Earth Mother

Kudos to you for caring about the environment, but let's not get too self-congratulatory. Next time the hoodlums might be looking for vehicles with reusable cloth grocery bags.

Been bad?

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