A friend of mine just got out (escaped, practically) from a negative dating situation that he'd gotten himself into. He'd moved in with a controlling, negative, damn-near psychotic woman who made him cut ties with his old friends, and essentially turned him into her housekeeper.
Anyway, he finally figured out this wasn't healthy and was able to get out of the situation with less fallout from the She-Devil than we all expected. He's moved in with another friend of ours and is looking for a new job (having quit his old one to be with this person).
Here's my problem: Post-relationship, this friend has become just unbearably boring. When we all hang out with him he only talks about the failed relationship, which is a real downer. Plus, he's now become so lame that he refuses to go back into his old industry (IT consulting) and is instead looking for retail/restaurant work. We all know he's capable of more.
Would it cause me bad karma to cut this friend out of my life, or to tell him that he's turned into a loser?-- He's Bringing Me Down
No relationship, including friendship, is ever static. It's always moving either toward less commitment or toward more commitment. Now that your friend has rediscovered the latter path with you, it's natural that you'd at first resist his return -- especially given his newfound lameness. The amount of time you grant this guy to recover from his fumble is directly proportionate to your reservoir of devotion. Is he worth enduring tedious tales of life with the She-Devil, or is this a wake-up call that the dude was a loser all along?
Dear Karma Cleanser:
In response to "Can't Get a Head," the guy who "dishonored the gods of fellatio" by making a crude comment about his partner's oral skills: This boy deserves whatever punishment he gets -- maybe six years with no sex, or something similar. Guys think they can say anything in the "heat of the moment" and get away with it. They forget that girls are sensitive creatures. We don't like to be talked to like we're prostitutes, nor do we want to be reminded of our exes while we're in the middle of an intimate sexual act.
"Can't Get a Head" shouldn't get any head -- or expect any, at least -- until he can grow up and take it like a man.-- My Lips Are Sealed
We stand by our original response that sometimes stupid things pop out inflagrante delicto. Sounds like you're coming down too hard on the guy. Could you watch the teeth?
Been bad? firstname.lastname@example.org.