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Karma Cleanser

A dirty trick on a slob of a husband

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Dear Karma Cleanser:
I married a man while pregnant hormones were raging through my bloodstream, obviously clouding my better judgment. Now I say, "What was I thinking?" The problem here is that not only is he a rotten husband and terrible father but a dirty, messy, louse!

I work full time and take care of the baby and for some reason he thinks I enjoy picking up his sweaty, stinky underwear, and cleaning the sink and bathtub after him. So I devised a plan after one of his drunk-diarrhea messes that he left in the toilet bowl for me to clean up.
I used his toothbrush. He ordered me to clean up the splats. Well, I did just that. Now I use his toothbrush to pick up his sweaty, smelly underwear too, I also clean out the bathtub and sink with it. Once I even asked him to bring me a roll of toilet paper and he wouldn't, so I wiped my rear with one of his work shirts! Please help cleanse me of the bad karma I have coming my way so I can be free to divorce him.
-- Clean House, Bad Karma



Congratulations, Clean House, you've just won the scarcely coveted title of Most Disgusting Letter We've Ever Received. Sadly, this honor doesn't come with cash prizes or a fun-filled trip to Aruba, but behind door No. 2 you'll find a big box of What the Hell Were You Thinking? and a bonus prize of Get the Funk Outta That Relationship. Act now, or you may lose even the last shreds of dignity and self-respect still clinging hopelessly to your toilet-scrubbing soul.



Dear Karma Cleanser:
My mother always said to me: Don't run with scissors. Stop and look where you're going. Be careful.
Now, I'm in a relationship that leaves me breathless but feels dangerous. Not hurtful in a physical sense, but I have a feeling I'm going to get hurt emotionally. My mother isn't around any more to watch out for me. The person I'm into has a daring, throw-caution-to-the-wind type attitude, but I'm about to be the one that falls. I worry that I'm paying the toll for some past misjudgments by getting involved in this relationship. I need to know what to do to keep from making the situation worse. -- Still Running With Scissors



We're confused. You're in a relationship that sounds exhilarating, yet you're eyeing the door? What gives? Maybe your mother erred too heavily on the side of caution. Maybe you're afraid to let go and experience life -- knee scrapes and all. We're not saying stick with something that's unhealthy. But maybe you're still holding those scissors because you need them to cut the cord.

Been bad? E-mail karma@creativeloafing.com.

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