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Karma Cleanser

Letter to my ex: I'm sorry I told you I faked every orgasm

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Dear Karma Cleanser:
A year ago I told my ex after we broke up that I had faked orgasm every time we made love. He was my first and the way things ended were dirty so I decided to play dirty back. I feel horrible now for what I've done and feel that I have been repaid by all the bullshit I've been through with relationships after him.
I've tried to apologize and regain friendship but he won't accept. I was young and naive and trying to play a game I did not have the rules to. How can I ever make up for what I did to him? How can I make him understand that it wasn't him?

-- O-LESS

The zings and arrows flung when relationships go sour often include petty attacks such as yours. Sure you hurled some hurtful things; so did he, most likely. Judging from your subsequent dating woes, it sounds like your karmic debt may already be repaid. Next time, though, aim above the belt, OK?

Dear Karma Cleanser:
I work at a small shop in Buckhead, I won't say what we sell. The registers are very old, so there's no automatic account of the day's totals. In these hard times, one of my co-workers has taken to pocketing several cash sales a day. (A day's worth of scamming comes to about $20.) I guess I look at her accusingly because after she pockets something, she always says, "I have a kid to feed!" I think what she's doing is wrong, but I don't want to be a snitch. Plus if she gets fired, I'll have double the work. But I've been thinking of cutting her tires, so she'll have to at least put the "extra" money back into a merchant's hands. Would that be risking bad karma of my own?

-- DEFLATED AND INFURIATED

No matter how you slice it, cutting your slack-ass co-worker's tires is absolutely the wrong thing to do. Instead, let Ms. Five-Finger Discount know that she's either going to stop stealing or start searching for antique registers elsewhere. If she doesn't desist, you owe it to your boss to let him know he's employing a thief.

Been bad? Get right with the universe at karma@creativeloafing.com.

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