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Karma Cleanser

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Karma Cleanser:
My mom is an old-fashioned Southerner and does everything in slow motion. You have to tell her an hour ahead to get her anywhere on time. I married a Yankee and they do everything at high speed. It seemed like a reasonable thing to put something in her coffee to "crank" her up. Boy, did it! We took her on a tour of Atlanta in half the time it would have taken normally. Am I going to hell?

-- Sorry, Mom

We're alarmed at the apparent trend of slipping drugs in the elderly's edibles (see last week's column for more evidence). We also question how you can call this decision "reasonable." Mom moving like molasses doesn't give you the right to spike her espresso. What if she applied the same logic and slipped your impatient Yankee a Xanax?

Karma Cleanser:
Is there such thing as romantic karmic debt? I find it hard to find the right people to fall for. When someone is interested in me, it doesn't last very long. I know that I have to improve a lot about myself, but I was wondering if karma does play a role in romantic affairs.

-- Love Child

Read on ...

Karma Cleanser:
Three years ago, I met a sweet girl at a party and we hit it off. We dated for maybe a month until she dumped me out of the blue, deciding to get back with her asshole ex-boyfriend.

Now, sweet girl is back, newly single and looking to hook up with me again. Should I give her a second chance? Her own bad karma would serve her right if I said no. Does karma count in relationships?

-- Rebound Boy

Relationship karma certainly exists, and its rule is, "Those you dick over always come back to haunt you." The paradox is that relationship karma can't be controlled. To Love Child we say, tackle those self-improvements and abandon the man-hunt, for now. And to Rebound Boy, stop looking for the cosmic causes of your situation and focus on what's immediately before you.

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