When I had a girlfriend, I could do tantric breathing exercises to keep from busting my nut too early, but now that Im single and the sex isnt flying around my house like it used to, my premature ejaculation seems to be getting worse. I actually timed my last session and I lasted a minute-and-a-half from the moment of penetration. Does that make me, like, 20 minutes off the average? More importantly, how the hell do I get this under control?
Eggtiming in East Point
The average guy lasts about five minutes during penetration. That wasnt a typo. FIVE MINUTES.
Thats great news for minutemen like you because youre only three-and-a-half minutes away from average! Premature ejaculation is the most common sexual problem for men under 40 (well, that and finding someone to ejaculate on). About 30 percent of men cant last longer than ... oh, dear. Hand me that towel, will you?
Lets talk about what doesnt work: numbing creams, gels, herbs or double-bagging your condoms. Christ, who thought of that torture Dick Cheney? Some SSRIs have shown promise in increasing stamina by a minute or so, but do you really want to go on antidepressants? Thats like spraying DDT to get rid of an ant in your sandwich.
Forget about distracting yourself with horrible images like dying cats or dancing republicans, too. It doesnt work and distances you emotionally from your partner and your own pleasure.
Besides, the problem isnt that youre paying too much attention to physical sensations; its that youre not paying enough.
The only way to go from a two-pump chump to a longtime champ is to understand whats happening to your body and retrain it to have different responses. A quick tour of an erection will help. There are five stages to sexual response:
1) Desire: You want her more than Heidi Montag wants a new nose.
2) Arousal: You get an erection you could fly a flag off of.
3) Plateau: Youre in a land where time stops and you dont think about anything but the pleasure youre experiencing.
4) Orgasm: The technical term for the phrase, Oh, God, Im coming.
5) Resolution: Your dick goes down; you never call her again.
Some guys, like you, can hardly stay in the plateau stage, while other guys can stay there forever (thats when your partner gets tired of looking at her watch and starts flipping the calendar). If you want to last longer, learn how to avoid ejaculatory inevitability, or the point of no return.
1) Masturbate until you sense the approach of the point of no return. Emphasis on approach, not arrival. Once it arrives, nothings gonna stop you from spraying the baby batter, not even Barbara Bush walking in wearing a thong.
2) Stop! Let the urge to splurge recede. The desire to orgasm will go away in a couple of minutes. Then you can ...
3) Restart! Resume the one-armed jack-hammering until you again get close to the point.
4) Rinse. Repeat. Do it until you get it right. You get out of the Five-Stroke Bloke Club the way you get into Carnegie Hall: practice, practice, practice. If you cant avoid the point of no return by yourself, youre never going to do it with somebody else.
5) Try it with a partner. Remember to stop the action when you think youre getting close to the point and restart when it recedes.
Thats the short version. For more details on the Stop/Start/Pace Method, visit mikealvear.com. By identifying and avoiding ejaculatory inevitability, youll be able to take off that T-shirt youre wearing the one that reads, Worlds Greatest Lover ... If Speeds Important.
Got a burning or a why-is-it-burning question for the Sexorcist? E-mail him at firstname.lastname@example.org. Midtown resident Mike Alvear hosts HBOs The Sex Inspectors, blogs at mikealvear.com and teaches monthly blogging workshops with Hollis Gillespie.
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(Photo by blakespot / Flickr)