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Fightin' Irish

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In Buckhead, cops received a call about a tipsy lady acting up at a bar on St. Patrick's Day. When they arrived, the woman was handcuffed and sitting on the curb outside while her friends were still inside the bar having fun. The woman was irate and screaming. Cops called her friends and informed them the woman was being arrested and moved to city jail.

During the ride to jail, the woman asked what she'd done to be arrested. Also, she told cops she believes their priorities are screwed up. The officer made a note of her advice: "We should be arresting rapists instead of people drinking on St. Patrick's Day." The woman, 23, went to jail on disorderly conduct charges.

Snotty situation

On the Westside, an undercover cop was working a vice operation when a 31-year-old woman approached him. "She asked me was I looking for a date and I said yes," the officer wrote. "She said it would cost $40 and I said that's cool." The woman opened the car door and hopped inside. The officer noted: "Once inside my vehicle, I asked her what can I do for $40 and [she] said we can have sex, oral sex, but no anal sex. I asked her if she eats boogers during sex and she just looked at me and said no. I then asked her if it was OK for me to eat my boogers when I cum and she said that it was up to me." The woman alledgedly agreed to $40 for oral sex and intercourse. The cop took the woman to jail for prostitution.

Pleasure packing

Cops received a call about a home invasion at a warehouse studio on Metropolitan Parkway. The studio owner, a 52-year-old man, said he heard a noise and came downstairs to his kitchen where a strange man was calmly taking items from the refrigerator. The studio owner confronted the thief, who whirled around and screamed, "I'll fuck you up" before dashing out the front door, clutching a small suitcase. The owner tried to chase the thief but the thief held the front door closed. Finally, the thief released the door and ran away — still carrying the suitcase.

The studio owner chased him to the back gate of the warehouse district, where the thief abandoned the small suitcase. The owner pulled out his smartphone and snapped a photo of the thief before he ran away. Then the owner called police and opened the suitcase.

The small suitcase was packed beer and wine, which had been swiped from the studio owner's fridge. A police officer noted: "There was also a trail of items leading from the front door of the studio to the driveway, including a beer case, an orange, and a pair of shorts."

Cops found the thief on the corner of McDaniel and Fulton streets. He was "visibly nervous" and "extremely sweaty." The suspect, 43, went to jail on burglary charges.

Health hazards

Cops received a call about a robbery at a church near Downtown. A man said they were using a space in the annex of the church to conduct a final push to sign up local residents for the health care under the Affordable Care Act. "They come to the annex location, where they disseminate Samsung Verizon tablets to all the volunteers who in turn go out into the community to complete the task," an officer wrote. At 7 p.m. all of the tablets were accounted for and put into an unlocked room. When they returned the next day, two large black bags filled with 22 tablets were missing from the room. "The tablets store personal information as they are used to sign citizens up for [health insurance]," an officer wrote. "The main door to facility is locked, however the doors inside the facility are unlocked and can be accessed by anyone and open during church services."

While the officer was writing up the report, a church member wandered up, carrying one black bag filled with all 22 Samsung tablets. (All of the tablets were damaged.) The unknown church member explained he found the bag beside a "step of steps."

Out on a limb

A staffer at a local hospital called police because a woman with two prosthetic legs was being unruly and refused to leave the hospital because she was unhappy with the service she had received. The staffer said the 23-year-old woman received medical treatment on her prosthetic legs and she was not satisfied with the treatment so she started cursing at hospital staff. The woman refused to leave the lobby of the emergency room. A staffer tried to wheel the woman away, but the woman slid out of her wheelchair and tried to bite him. (The attempted bite was caught on surveillance video.)

After being escorted off the property, the woman rolled back in her wheelchair and demanded that she get more treatment for her prosthetic legs. "Can't make me leave," she yelled, "I might as well go to jail." After charging her with disorderly conduct, the officer realized he could not take her to jail, so he took her to Grady Memorial Hospital "due to the claim of infection on her leg."

Items in the Blotter are taken from actual Atlanta police reports. The Blotter Diva compiles them and puts them into her own words.

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