This is the best suit that no one would ever wear. If you aren't Hugh Hefner or Andisheh Nouraee, don't try to pull it off; you would look like a fat velveteen sausage.
The hive mind of women emits an amorous hormonal vibration that you can almost feel when these polyester-chic fellas roll up in their Mercedes, brandishing their shiny belt-buckles. The look survives virtually unchanged every season. Just once, I want to be there when one of these slick dudes farts in public.
This year, we bring back that classy, gloved look that was all but abandoned after Breakfast at Tiffany's. Remember, in 2003 you can't wear Dalmatian print anything without stiletto heels, a leather cinch and the ability to float instead of walk.
All the icons of coolness in the 20th century -- Fonzie, Mickey Rourke and Bobcat Goldthwaite -- are eclipsed by the gravitational coolness of these two. Through Mohawks, ebony and ivory can really live together in perfect harmony.