A classy fedora is one thing, but accessorizing with a fucking parasol says that only an elephant's dosage of novocaine could numb your balls. Just wait until Urban Outfitters starts their parasol line. Don't lie, you'll get one.
Drinking PBR, wearing thrift store clothes and looking friendly and aloof, they make everyone in town want to be them or fuck them. They will never invite you over for a threesome, and your only solace is the prospect that one day they may get fat.
Capris were a bad idea for women. But men donning sub-pants is a sure sign of the Apocalypse. Christians know that the Book of Revelation says: "The moon will turn as black as satin, and men will flaunt three-quarter length slacks."
Cute, trendy plastic glasses plus stacked flip-flops is good bait for law school lotharios. Perhaps, they will swoop in to present you with an MRS degree.