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Didn't God make Adam and Eve, not Adam and Steve?


I am the Pride Sucker.

I'm the dumb ass wasting my time debating the Bible thumper. He yells -- it's always a he -- and I counter respectfully. He thumps, and I take the abuse.

My friends are enjoying daquiris and half-naked men under a shady tree, and I'm eviscerating myself, trying to get this guy to see the humanity all around him. A parade of love, lust, joy, community and life is flowing by his sunny corner, and he's telling me I already live in hell. Fuck this. I want one of those daiquiris. As I walk away, he throws out Adam and Steve.

Sure, dude. I'm no atheist (though I understand the compulsion). God made Adam and Eve, and a little while later, God made Steve, just like God made us, this park, and everyone in it. My belief in human divinity isn't enough -- this guy makes hand gestures: bagel bumping, sword fighting.

"It just don't work, honey -- the plumbing's gotta fit, or it ain't right with Jesus!" he sticks two fingers in his fist and looks at me like he's the smart one here.

We go from sacred textual analysis and enjoying common humanity to obscene finger puppets and sloganistic insults, and I have to prove that my people have souls? That what we do is "natural" -- not a biological and biblical aberration? Apparently, you're just peachy: You've got Eve, and let's not forget the finger puppets.

I could write forever about the sacred roles of differently gendered and same-sex loving people in ancient tribal societies everywhere. I could quote that book by Daniel Helminiak, What the Bible Really Says about Homosexuality. I could write a heartfelt treatise about how I've been this way since I was 4 and fell in love with my desk mate, Sheila. I could lead you through lessons on sex vs. gender, and set out the "nature vs. nurture" arguments on sexuality. You could get all teary and close this magazine a changed person. But it's been done, and I'd still be the one doing all the work.

Frankly, identifying as a boy who became a woman who is often praised as a nice young man, who digs every kind of grrrl and a few hot guys, I know you're not speaking to me, personally, when you ask this question. You couldn't be. You can't even imagine people like me. But while my identity doesn't prevent my respecting your beliefs and lifestyle, your Christian hands have already done the talking. I'm over finding middle ground! I want to enjoy my parade!

And yet, I can't stop engaging. It's what my spiritual upbringing taught me. Let me ask the questions: Why wouldn't God make Adam and Steve? Given that God already has, what are you going to do about it? What's in it for you? Will cured queers get you out of debt and heal your marriage woes? You wanna get a daiquiri, and really talk?

Kt Kilborn is a transgender, feminist writer and performer. He believes in art as social activism, and makes humorous, critical work from that aesthetic. Next week, she debuts his one-person gender theory karaoke rock opera, Underground TRANSit, in New York City.

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