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Clusterfest 2012: Chick-fil-A Kickoff Games

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I have been boycotting Chick-fil-A for more than a year, much longer than all you Johnny-come-latelies. That's because, sometime in 2011, a gay friend showed me how CFA supported the Family Research Council. That group is pure fucking evil. So as much as I freaking love Chick-fil-A sandwiches, I felt I could no longer munch one in front of my gay friends. (The antecedent is clear in that sentence, assholes.) I didn't make a big deal about it because who cares? I can get chicken sandwiches anywhere. NOW, though, we have a problem. College football season, which I love way more than I love crispy chicken sandwiches — even more than I love acting superior and telling people that I'm doing the right thing, and I really love doing that — begins this week, and two of the biggest contests are sponsored by Chick-fil-A. The Chick-fil-A Kickoff Game in Atlanta is actually two games: Friday night, Tennessee vs. NC State, followed by Auburn vs. Clemson on Saturday evening. (Let's ignore that it's not really the college football season kickoff: 17 games are being played the day before the Tennessee game. But whatever.) In addition, there will be pep rallies, team walks, a "fanzone" experience, and tailgating going on around the Georgia Dome. Through it all, the Chick-fil-A logo will be everywhere: hovering over every grill-marked bratwurst, plastered on every booth, even on the decals of the jerseys themselves. So what is a pompous liberal like me to do? I'll tell you what I'm going to do: I'm taking the Vols and laying four points and parlaying that with Auburn getting three. And if I win money, I am spending every dollar of it at Taco Bell. $60-$135. Tennessee vs. NC State, Fri., Aug. 31, 7:30 p.m. Auburn vs. Clemson, Sat., Sept. 1, &emdash;7 p.m. Georgia Dome, 1 Georgia Dome Drive. 404-223-4042. www.chick-fil-akickoffgame.com.

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