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Bizarre crimes from Atlanta's police reports



The Blotter Diva found some tales of love and lust gone wrong in honor of Valentine's Day and Creative Loafing's annual Lust List. Let's face it, love and lust are two defining forces of the human condition. But how you handle love and lust – well, that can get you in trouble with the law. So if you're alone this Valentine's Day, remember this: At least your love didn't land you in the pokey.

YOUR CHEATIN' HEART, PART I: A 54-year-old man said he lives with his common-law wife on Welch Street. "Last night, he came home with a lady friend and [the common-law wife] became upset," the officer wrote. "He thought she would get over him bringing over this friend by today. He explained how she hit him today with a lamp on his left arm. He didn't have any visible injury." So the officer talked to the common-law wife. "She admitted she hit him with the lamp, but [said] he had no right bringing another woman into their house," the officer wrote. The common-law wife was charged with domestic violence and went to jail.

YOUR CHEATIN' HEART, PART II: On Boulevard Lorraine, a 41-year-old woman called police and said her husband is having an affair -- or had an affair -- with another woman. The wife said she e-mailed the other woman to tell her that she's aware of the affair. According to the wife, the other woman responded with a threatening e-mail. The wife said the other woman "confirmed that she was in a relationship with her husband and that she was the boss of their relationship," an officer wrote. Also, the wife added, the other woman said she knows where the wife lives, where the wife works and what kind of car she drives, and the tag number on her car. The wife feels threatened.

LUST IN THE DUST: A 21-year-old man from Cleveland stayed at a hotel on Techwood Drive -- and said a hotel security guard sexually harassed him. He said the guard left a note on his car, asking him to call, and the note contained the guard's phone number. The 21-year-old man said he called the number, not thinking that the guard is a man -- and the guard replied with this text message: "Waddup yo no disrespect to u but shit I was checking u out last night when u were in ur ride, if u don't get down like dat, my bag, u can throw da # away." The 21-year-old said he sent a message asking, "Who are you? You were the one working here?" and the guard said yes. The 21-year-old said he told the guard that he didn't get down like that -- and the guard then asked if he had a woman. "The security guard then stated he had two females that they could get with, [but the 21-year-old man] declined," an officer wrote. The man didn't like the guard approaching him in this manner, so he filed a police report.

NO LOVE FOR MOMMA: A 79-year-old mother said she argued with her son -- and he smashed a ceramic lion and told her to "suck his ass." The ceramic lion is worth about $100. According to the police report, the 47-year-old son lives with his mother on Osborne Street. Police arrested the son and took him to jail on a damaging property charge.

LOVE OF POWER? A 22-year-old man walked into a police station on Pryor Street and said he felt threatened by a woman wearing a uniform that resembled an Atlanta Police Department uniform. He said the woman wore a jacket with sergeant stripes on the long sleeves and she has gold hair, and that she was driving a blue Honda. He said the woman followed him into the Home Depot parking lot on Ponce de Leon Avenue -- and that's where the woman stopped, approached his car, reached for her gun and used profanity. He said he felt threatened and afraid for his safety.

E-MAIL LOVE? At Central Library downtown, a female employee said a customer got distressed about his e-mail. She said she tried to help the 47-year-old man with his e-mail, but he threatened her. According to the library employee, the man threatened to "come back like a hurricane." She said she asked him to leave the library. He reportedly said, "Fuck, fuck, fuck." He left before police arrived.

BICYCLE LOVE: Around 9 a.m., two officers responded to a call about a suspicious man at Kenlock Place and Forrest Way. The man allegedly gave police the wrong name and date of birth. Also, he said he came to the area to look for work. The officers reported: "We talked to a couple of homeowners in the area, and they stated that the suspect is called Bicycle Bandit." Some homeowners reportedly saw Bicycle Bandit hiding behind some bushes. The suspect, age 52, was charged with giving false information to police. He went to jail, and his bicycle was turned in to the property room.

Items in the Blotter are taken from actual Atlanta police reports. The Blotter Diva compiles them and puts them into her own words.

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