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Bizarre crimes from Atlanta police reports



A 79-year-old Grove Park man said he unplugged the Christmas decorations in his front yard at around 1:30 a.m., and when he woke up the next morning, his yard was much less festive — his Christmas decorations were missing. The stolen holiday merch included two tall, lit fake Christmas trees, two large lit reindeers, and the thief even took the two green electrical cords used to power up the decorations. Wonder what the street value of a plastic reindeer is these days.

UP, UP AND AWAY: Talk of balloons set off an alleged knife fight at a Collier Heights apartment. A woman said her husband's mother was hospitalized in intensive care, so she called the hospital to ask if it was OK if she brought her mother-in-law some balloons. At the mere mention of balloons, her husband's brother started yelling and calling her a bitch. When the husband came to his wife's defense, his brother allegedly whipped out a knife and tried to stab the husband in the chest. Luckily he missed, and only managed to land a teeny-tiny cut on the husband's middle finger. He also allegedly tried to stab the woman, but missed her entirely. (She wasn't injured.) They called police and the brother scrammed. The husband said he was gonna press charges whenever his brother resurfaced. Also, the husband said he definitely did not need to go to the hospital for the mini-cut on his middle finger.

OH, SHIT: A 22-year-old man left his apartment on Buchanan Street to get something to eat, and when he returned, there was dog poop smeared all over his front door. The man said he does own a dog, but he never lets it use the bathroom in the front yard (or all over the front door, presumably). He and his pooch have apparently pissed someone off: the man said four days ago, someone left a bag of poop on his doorstep. He said he's not sure which one of his neighbors would do something like this.

VISION QUEST: A woman called the cops to report that her debit card had been stolen. The woman explained that "while dreaming," she saw her ex-husband's hand reach into her purse. When she woke up, the debit card was gone. Then, the woman said she "began to pray to the Lord," and the Lord specifically told her that her ex-husband stole the debit card. The officer noted, the woman "began to utter information regarding situations that had nothing to do with the initial call." Maybe this explains it: she told the officer she needed a police report so she could get money back from her bank so she could buy her medication.

Items in the Blotter are taken from actual Atlanta police reports. The Blotter Diva compiles them and puts them into her own words.

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