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Bizarre crimes from Atlanta police reports



On Pryor Street, a drunk man wildly waving his arms walked up to police and yelled, "Jesus is coming to the White House!" An officer asked the man if he needed any help, but he just repeated his mantra: "Jesus is coming to the White House." The officer asked the man not to stand in the street. So the man walked to the sidewalk, tripped over the curb, and hit his head on a nearby building. He wasn't badly hurt, but police took him to Grady Memorial Hospital to get him checked out, just in case.

THERE WILL BE BLOOD: "Wildcats Maul Officer!" — that was the title of a police report from Inman Park. Alas, the title is a bit misleading. Here's what happened: One evening, a couple stopped on Krog Street and flagged down police. They said they had been driving when they heard "cat cries coming from inside their engine" and stopped the car. "They discovered two small kittens wedged inside their engine and wheel well," an officer wrote. "They didn't want to continue for fear of harming the kittens."

So the officer does his thing and tries to fetch the kittens from the comfy engine area. He wrote, "After numerous attempts at getting the feral kittens out, I was able to finally catch both of them, but not before sustaining several bites to my hands and fingers, which were bleeding." Medics dealt with the officer's minor bites. The kittens are OK.

FATOPHOBIA: A police officer stopped a man he'd seen four separate times that day walking in the middle of Kirkwood Avenue. The man explained that he was walking in the middle of the street because there was "a fat woman on the sidewalk and I am scared." The man also said there were "fat women on the sidewalks" all three times when the officer saw him earlier. The man, 47, got a ticket for disorderly conduct.

SIGN OF THE TIMES: In Buckhead, a guy who works in finance said someone left a threatening note on his front door mat. In red writing, the note read: "We know where you live and must pay for all the suffering you caused, you will be exterminated, and the guy helping you." The financial guy said he had two investment companies that went under and some people lost a lot of money as a result.

BE THANKFUL, YOUNG LOVERS: Around 7:45 a.m., police spotted a frisky couple having sex in a red car on Westview Drive. The officers "also saw two used condoms in the ground next to the vehicle." Apparently, the cops decided not to haul the fornicating couple to jail for doing it in public. Instead they got tickets for indecency because they both are "college students at a local university and have to attend class later today."

Items in the Blotter are taken from actual Atlanta police reports. The Blotter Diva compiles them and puts them into her own words.

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