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Bizarre crimes from Atlanta police reports



A woman was inside a Ponce de Leon Avenue grocery store when someone broke into her car and stole her elderly but impeccably dressed poodle from within. According to the police report, the dog — Ms. Silver — was wearing "a pink shirt reminiscent of Valentine's Day that displayed the word 'Love,' and two red bows (one on each ear) with a matching red collar and an additional purple collar with clear stones" when she was hijacked. The woman said Ms. Silver is physically challenged and couldn't have gotten out of the car by herself. Also, she said, Ms. Silver is worth about $5,000 and is almost 13 years old. The officer did a little math for us: "She explained that one year of human life equals seven years of dog life. Therefore, the dog is 91 years old in human years," he wrote in his report. Surveillance footage shows someone pull up along side the woman's Caddy, reach into the window to unlock the door and scoop up Ms. Silver. Unfortunately, cops couldn't get a good enough look at the poodle's thief or his car, but they issued a lookout for Ms. Silver.

CALL OF DOODY: A man told police that when he returned to his 26th Street condominium, he found poo smeared all over his toilet and floor. The culprit? He suspects that a "pro-neighborhood Sandy Springs and Fulton vigilante group" has been stalking him, and possibly entered his condo and made the mess. An officer looked around the man's condo, but there were no signs of forced entry. The officer suggested he install an alarm system.

STRIP CLUB SHOWDOWN: An eager female titty club customer rammed a valet with her car when he told her she couldn't self-park. The valet said that at around 2:15 a.m., a woman pulled into the lot in her black Mercedes, and upon being informed she'd have to have it professionally parked, "pushed" the valet's legs with her back bumper. The valet told police he leaned onto the car trunk, and the woman got out of the car and smacked his face and body. Amid all the hitting, he was able to get her license plate number.

HEALTH NUT: An 80-year-old man with a red umbrella allegedly stormed into a health-food store in Little Five Points to cancel his membership. When an employee told the man that he has send a letter to cancel his membership, the man became enraged, started yelling, tried to grab the employee's phone and then knocked over a bunch of merchandise. The man left before the cops showed up, but an officer spotted him walking across Moreland Avenue and arrested him. While walking to the patrol car, the man asked if this was a "silent arrest." When the officer told him he didn't know what that meant, the elderly man replied, "I guess there is a first time for everything." He went to jail on a disorderly conduct charge and his red umbrella was turned in to police property.

COP OUT: In Grant Park, someone damaged eight cars belonging to police officers (not patrol cars, their personal cars) outside the Zone 3 precinct on Cherokee Avenue. "No entry was made into any of the vehicles, just extensive damage estimated to be about $500 per vehicle," an officer wrote. Police inside the precinct didn't see or hear anything until an officer's blaring car alarm alerted them that something was wrong. And the bold suspects apparently didn't even bother with gloves, so cops found several fingerprints. Apparently, messing with officers' cars is a new trend. At a mini-precinct on Lakewood Way, someone damaged two officers' personal cars. A citywide alert went out that suspects are targeting officers' personal cars.

Items in the Blotter are taken from actual Atlanta police reports. The Blotter Diva compiles them and puts them into her own words.

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