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Bizarre crimes from Atlanta police reports

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There are plenty of fish in the sea, but apparently not quite so many in one-bedroom apartments in Candler Park. A man called police when he cooked up some fish, and his freeloading 18-year-old daughter ate the very last piece. He told police that he slapped that fish right out of her hand, and then asked her to leave. An officer talked with other family members, including the daughter. She said she had been living in the one-bedroom apartment for more than a month with her dad, sister, brother and uncle. And even though she works as a waitress, she told them she refuses to pay rent. Also, she declined to leave the apartment "due to her not having any friends and nowhere to go," an officer wrote. The father said, "If she does not leave the apartment or respect me, I am willing to go to jail over this situation." Alas, he agreed to leave the apartment, and officers said they "watched him leave on foot."

GOING POSTAL: A 63-year-old mailman was walking his route when he was approached by a man known only as "Milton." First, Milton told him — out of nowhere — to "mind his fucking business," then as the mailman attempted to continue his route, Milton followed him, talking all the while. Then, the mailman said, Milton suddenly punched him in the face and ran off. He told officers he'd chased Milton, caught him and they fought. Milton ran off when police were called and they weren't able to locate him.

ABBA STRIKES BACK: Two neighbors on North Avenue woke up on a recent Saturday morning and discovered someone had spray-painted the letters "S.O.S" on both their cars during the night. In silver spray paint, "S.O.S" was scrawled on the driver's door and window of a tan Lexus and a white Toyota.

OOH THAT SMELL: A woman called police to her Piedmont Avenue apartment, insisting that her next-door neighbor is making drugs, and that the smell is making her sick. She said the odor seeps into her kitchen and she can hardly breathe. "I couldn't smell any odor," an officer noted, and there was no answer when he knocked on the neighbor's door. The woman said this drug-mixing odor is an ongoing problem. Homeland Security was notified.

INGRATE DEMAND: Conflicting expectations caused some problems for an incomeless 26-year-old and a gentleman friend. She'd later tell police that the man, "was going to give her $247, but didn't because he didn't have the money and he took off work to be with her," an officer wrote. "He wanted to stay with her for the night, but she said no."

So, apparently, they went to a store instead where he bought her a $40 TV set. After the cab ride home, though, they got in an argument and the man ended up smashing the TV to smithereens. "He threw the TV to the ground," an officer wrote. "He then picked it up again and threw it across the street." The woman said the man hit her head, but it didn't hurt. She added, "He is rather weak for a man." After the ruckus, the man reportedly got back into the cab and left.

IGNORANCE IS BLISS? A 35-year-old woman said her boyfriend got upset because she didn't want to stay at his house, so he roughed her up and then dropped her off on Lakewood Avenue. Unfortunately — or so she told police — she only knows her boyfriend as "T," no first or last name, even though they've been dating for 10 years. She didn't know T's address, either, even though she said she'd stayed there.

Items in the Blotter are taken from actual Atlanta police reports. The Blotter Diva compiles them and puts them into her own words.

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