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Bizarre crimes from Atlanta police reports

Local entrepreneur, pissed off security and more

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Three people are accused of selling merchandise without a permit from the trunk of a white Chevy Impala on Marietta Boulevard. An officer witnessed a man holding a box near the car. "I noticed the items in the box appeared to be a perfume gift set," the officer wrote. (To be exact, a "Sex and the City" perfume gift set.)

Also for sale: Taser guns. Nearly a dozen high voltage Taser guns were nestled among the perfume gift sets in the trunk. "The trunk of the vehicle contained 27 perfume gift sets, 10 tasers, and 20 mini-perfume sets," the officer wrote. "I collected one of the perfume gift sets and one of the tasers, to preserve as physical evidence of the scene."

NEUROTIC NIRVANA: On Mt. Zion Road, a 29-year-old woman said she left her apartment at 5:30 a.m. and made sure all the doors and windows were shut and locked. (She told police she has obsessive-compulsive disorder.) When the woman returned home, all the apartment doors were open. When inside, she discovered that her 42-inch flat-screen TV and laptop were missing.

An officer wrote, "Whomever took the television, which was mounted to the wall, knew exactly what they were doing, taking the time to disconnect all the wires. The perpetrator did the same thing to her laptop, making sure all the wires were carefully placed on the floor." The woman suspects her ex-boyfriend because they had a fight the day before. He has an alias: "Luscious." An officer wrote, "Luscious stands approximately 6 feet 3 inches tall and weighs between 200 and 205 pounds ... and rides around in a 1970 Dodge pickup truck." Nothing further.

Bruised ego: A 32-year-old man said he fought with the security guard at his apartment complex on Edgewood Avenue. The man said he asked the guard to make a copy of his Social Security card and passport. According to the man, the security guard said, "Hell no, not after you told on me, saying I was in the rooms at night, eating rib tips." (Apparently, the guard was referring to an incident from a few weeks ago, when he got in trouble for leaving his security post.)

The 32-year-old man said the guard closed the door on his leg, leaving a bruise. When an officer arrived, the man said his leg was still hurting. "I didn't see a bruise on his leg," the officer wrote. "[He] also showed me a picture of what he said was the bruise, that he took on his cell phone. But I couldn't tell if there was a bruise or not." No charges filed.

The perfect CHRISTMAS TREE: On a recent Thursday evening, police received several calls about a suspicious man with a machete on Virginia Avenue. An officer found the suspect, a 24-year-old man in a black overcoat, swinging a machete with a black handle. "I also noticed that he had a knife strapped to his leg," the officer wrote. "I then asked the male to put down the machete, which he did." Witnesses said that earlier, the man was walking by the park and cutting down trees. Apparently, the machete is more than 5 inches long. The man went to jail on numerous charges.

Scam of the week: A 41-year-old Illinois man called Atlanta police and said he'd been scammed by a man who lives in a Peachtree Road apartment. The Illinois man said he made a business agreement to mail a $600 check to the Atlanta man in exchange for a remote-control helicopter. But, he added, he never got the helicopter in the mail even though the Atlanta man cashed the check weeks ago. He said the Atlanta man repeatedly promised to mail him the remote-control helicopter, but it never showed up.

STOCKING UP FOR HOT DATE? A man in a red-and-blue striped shirt reportedly walked into a pharmacy on Peachtree Road. According to the manager, the man hid several items in his clothes — a Sonic Care brush, a razor, shampoo, three bottles of cologne and a condom — and drove away in a Chevy Tahoe. No arrests.

HAIRY EXCHANGE: A 36-year-old Duluth woman is accused of trying to prostitute herself near St. Jose Street. An undercover investigator said the woman hopped into his car, and according to the police report, "[the investigator] told her he was trying to get into a little trouble. She then stated that she was trying to make a little money." Apparently, the investigator agreed to pay $25 for sex. The investigator asked her if she had any hair on her privates. The woman replied that she did, to which the investigator replied, "People shave now."

Items in the Blotter are taken from actual Atlanta police reports. The Blotter Diva compiles them and puts them into her own words.

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