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Bizarre crimes from Atlanta police reports



A 53-year-old woman said she went to Buckhead to visit her friend "Fabian." Apparently, she met Fabian last year at an Aerosmith and ZZ Top concert and they exchanged phone numbers. (Fabian was a valet worker, parking cars at the concert.) The woman said that in August, Fabian called and invited her to his apartment. According to the woman, Fabian offered to help her talk to a lawyer about her problems with a "fake debt collection agency."

When the woman arrived at Fabian's apartment, they kissed and he tried to take off her skirt and his fingers entered her vagina. She said she told Fabian to stop several times. Fabian stopped, but he got upset and told her to leave. She said he pushed her out of his apartment, and she fell down the stairs, hurting her leg and bumping her head.

The woman got into her car and drove south on I-75 to North Central Avenue, where she stopped and called police. "[She] was very intoxicated with alcohol and could barely stand on her own efforts," police noted. The woman said she left her laptop computer, cell phone, Visa and MasterCard at Fabian's apartment, but could not tell police exactly where Fabian's apartment is located, his last name or his approximate age.

COSTLY FREEBIE: On a recent Sunday afternoon, a man allegedly parked a white sedan in the middle of Fair Street and hopped out to get a Monster energy drink that was being given away for free. A police officer asked the man for his license. The man said he doesn't have a driver's license because he is waiting for his immigration papers to arrive from Washington, D.C. He went to jail and the white sedan was released to his girlfriend, who owns the car.

STRANGE CLUE: A woman said that her red lawn mower was stolen from her carport on Branch Drive last month. No witnesses. The woman said she doesn't have a serial number for the lawn mower, but she "placed a spatula on the engine after she used it to stir paint," the officer wrote. Apparently, she said the engine has a spot of white paint near the top. A police report was filed.

FRUIT PASSION: A 27-year-old woman allegedly tried to steal $1 worth of chewing gum from a store on Joseph E. Lowery Boulevard. She is also accused of eating the store's fruit — before she went for the gum. She went to jail on a shoplifting charge.

WASTED YOUTH: An officer stopped a black Mercedes for allegedly speeding on I-85 and spoke to the driver, a 21-year-old woman from New Orleans. "She exhibited bloodshot, dilated eyes and I could detect a strong odor of burnt marijuana in the air." The woman said she had dinner around 10 p.m. and smoked one blunt afterward — then she went bar-hopping in Midtown, but she didn't have anything else to smoke or drink. The officer noted, "I asked why she was going so fast and she began to giggle and stated, 'Because I am young and all young people speed.'" She went to jail on a DUI charge.

WAVE YOUR FLAG: An officer saw a man "standing, facing oncoming traffic" on Seventh Street in Midtown. "He had his penis in his hands and was exposing it as he waved it at passing autos," the officer noted. "I checked the ground around where [he] was loitering. It was all dry," the officer continued. "He was not urinating. His penis was being exposed by choice and not due to needing to urinate." (The area is known for male prostitution, the officer noted.) The man went to jail on an indecency charge.

PRE-Party: Outside a grocery store on Metropolitan Avenue last month, a security guard said a man asked people for money, so the guard told him to leave. The man refused. When police arrived, the man reportedly was waving and stopping cars driving through the parking lot. The officer asked the man if he had been drinking. "[The man] responded by saying that his birthday was in less than 24 hours and he needed to get an early start by drinking a few beers," the officer wrote. The man went to jail.

SWEET MARY JANE: Police found a 4-foot-tall marijuana plant in a parking lot on Bixby Drive. "I saw no signs of upkeep on the plant, and no indication that it was being grown intentionally," an officer wrote. "I ripped the plant from the ground" and turned it in to police property. The plant is worth about $500.

Items in the Blotter are taken from actual Atlanta police reports. The Blotter Diva compiles them and puts them into her own words.

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