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Bizarre crimes from Atlanta police reports



On a recent Monday, a 21-year-old man said he was fixing his car outside his home on Alvarado Terrace, when his ex-girlfriend showed up and walked into the house without saying a word. After a few minutes, he said he left to go to the gas station to put fuel, knowing that his sister was inside the house and would keep an eye on the ex-girlfriend. When he returned, the ex-girlfriend was getting into her car and said, "I cleaned your room for you."

The man thought she was joking, but when he went to his bedroom, he discovered that "his clothes had bleach poured over, had been torn, and had been thrown off the back porch, into the yard," an officer wrote. "[The man] also discovered his college textbooks torn and thrown into his bathtub, which had been partially filled with water." The man said he was also missing a pair of new True Religion jeans, which he valued very much.

GIRLFRIEND FROM HELL: Earlier this month, a man said he arrived home from work to find his live-in girlfriend very drunk. He said when he tried to talk to her, she said, "I'm sick and tired of you." She then threw a beer can at him and head-butted him in the mouth. The man said he tried to calm her down, but she ran downstairs and grabbed a kitchen knife and attempted to stab him.

His girlfriend took the knife and slashed the tires on his truck, then grabbed a metal rod and beat the hood of his truck. After the destruction, she took off in her friend's car with the man's only set of keys to his truck and the keys to the apartment.

He said he was going to stay with his mother until the apartment locks can be changed. Also, he said there was a substantial amount of blood in the apartment, because apparently, the girlfriend cut herself while slashing his tires. The 19-year-old girlfriend wore a pink tank top and white shorts during the alleged attack.

TASTE TEST? Around 7 p.m., an undercover officer said a 42-year-old woman hopped into his car at the intersection of Lakewood Avenue and Jonesboro Road. "Once inside my vehicle, she offered to give me a blowjob for $20," the officer wrote. "She repeatedly offered to give me a sample blowjob." She was charged with prostitution. (After years of reading police reports, the Blotter Diva must note: Giving a "sample" of any kind is practically unheard of in the alleged prostitution world.)

RIGHT QUESTION, WRONG RESPONSE: Earlier this month, two officers were working undercover on Federal Terrace around 10:30 p.m., when a 43-year-old woman hopped in their car. "She stated to me and my partner that we need to pull out our penis if we are not the police and we refused," an officer wrote. "She agreed to fuck us both for $30 and she had a room for an extra $5." She was charged with prostitution.

STUPID MOVE OF THE WEEK: A woman said she left her black purse outside her front door while she went into the kitchen for some water. When she returned to the front door, she said she saw a man with her purse — he was shirtless and wearing blue jeans — running to an upstairs apartment. She said she's seen this same man before, frequenting the apartment upstairs. She said her missing purse contained $50 cash, some Vicodin pills, and her house keys.

Crying wolf: Just after 1 a.m. on a recent Thursday, an officer responded to a call about a person stabbed on Cleveland Avenue. When the officer arrived, a 54-year-old woman said she was stabbed. Medics and firefighters arrived to treat her wounds, but when they examined her, they realized she actually had not been stabbed. The woman smelled like booze and she was using vulgar language, the officer noted.

Firefighters said the same woman walked into their fire station the day before, saying the she was stabbed — but she had no stab wounds. The same police officer noted that six days ago, he responded to the woman's 911 call about being stabbed, but when he arrived, he realized the woman, once again, had not been stabbed. This time, the woman went to jail on a drunk and disorderly charge.

FOOD FOR THOUGHT: On a recent Wednesday night, an officer responded to a fraud call at a Virginia-Highland restaurant. The manager said a young man ate in the restaurant with a small group. Toward the end of the meal, the man told the manager that "the people eating with him were his in-laws, that he had spent all his money shopping with them earlier, and that he did not have the money to pay for the meal," the officer wrote. According to the manager, they agreed that the man would leave his passport and a blank check, until he returned and paid cash for the meal the very next day. After three days passed, the manager realized the man wasn't coming back. So he called police. (How well this alleged scam works still remains to be seen. The man's passport — if it's real — reveals his name, age, and Atlanta address.)

Items in the Blotter are taken from actual Atlanta police reports. The Blotter Diva compiles them and puts them into her own words.

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