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Bizarre crimes from Atlanta police reports

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BLUNT SALES TECHNIQUE: One evening, an officer was working undercover on North Avenue. A 23-year-old woman reportedly walked up and hopped into his unmarked car. "She then said, 'See, I am a girl' and pulled down her pants and said that's a 'pussy' and it will cost $15," the officer wrote. "She also stated she would suck my dick to get it hard first."

Backup units arrived and took the woman to jail on a prostitution charge.

LINGERING ITCH: A security guard flagged down a police officer outside a pharmacy on Broad Street. The guard said a woman put a box of Monistat 7 vaginal cream into her duffel bag and tried to leave the store without paying. The woman, 50, went to jail on a shoplifting charge. The Monistat 7 cream is worth $14.79.

STRANGELY SPECIFIC: One afternoon at a restaurant on Luckie Street, a waitress said a woman walked out on a $93 tab. She said the woman came in and had a Jack Daniels, a Long Island Iced Tea, and ate two orders of crab cakes. Then, the woman reportedly dashed off with an order of bison (14 ounces) without paying any of her bill.

The restaurant manager said he chased the woman, who hopped into a white Nissan. He said the woman reversed her car, almost hitting him, and then drove away. He said the woman has long, dark brown hair, "mid to late 20s, tan with big bone structure and her hair was a little curly," the officer wrote. The manager said that while the woman was in the restaurant, she mentioned that she works in South Carolina and she had just come from an interview at an Atlanta nightclub.

A middle-aged male witness said he got a good look at the woman and her car – and her car is definitely a white Nissan Maxima. He said the woman has green or blue eyes – definitely not brown – and she wore a white top with a silver necklace with a square on it. The officer wrote, "The witness advised the suspect looked like the actress who played John Lithgow's sister in the television series '3rd Rock from the Sun.'" The witness was possibly referring to actress Kristen Johnson, the officer added.

SOUTHERN BOOZY TALK, PART 1: An officer responded to a fight call at a shopping center on Ponce de Leon Avenue. A security guard pointed to a man and said, "He's drunk" and is "threatening to kick my ass."

The man told police, "I done had two beers, but I ain't drunk." (It was about 11 a.m.) The man, 41, went to jail.

SOUTHERN BOOZY TALK, PART 2: Around 1:30 a.m., a man reportedly caused a commotion at the Waffle House on Upper Alabama Street. Apparently, employees asked the man to leave the Waffle House and he got mad. According to the police report, the man used profane and abusive language and told the staff "what he ain't going to do."

The man, 66, went to jail on a disorderly conduct charge. He smelled of alcohol, an officer noted.

NO ROOM FOR BOOZY: A 20-year-old woman said she was sitting at a bus station on Cleveland Avenue when a middle-aged man started yelling and cursing at her for no apparent reason. She said the man spit toward her -- but did not make contact. When a police officer arrived, the man was urinating on a side fence. "I could smell a very strong odor of alcoholic beverage coming from his person," the officer wrote. The man, 46, was charged with disorderly conduct under the influence and taken to jail. The officer noted, "City jail refused to take [the man], stating that he was very intoxicated." So the officer took the man to the detention center at Grady Memorial Hospital.

NO PLACE LIKE HOME: An officer responded to smoke coming from a vacant apartment on Desoto Avenue. A man there said he was just cooking dinner on his grill. "I asked him why he was doing this on vacant property," the officer wrote. The man said he has lived there for three years, watching the place. "I asked him if he had any electricity or water and he stated no. I asked him if he had any utilities the entire time he lived there, and he stated no." The man said two other men owned the place -- and he showed one owner's business card, but said that owner died three weeks ago. The officer confirmed that the man was telling the truth about who owned the apartment. The officer charged the man with trespassing and told him to bring the second owner to his court date.

STUPID MOVE OF THE WEEK: On I-75 near West Paces Ferry Road, an officer reportedly spotted a man driving a green Cadillac Eldorado with no tag. The officer stopped the car and spoke with the driver, a 48-year-old man from Sevierville, Tenn.

A computer check revealed that the Cadillac is registered to the man – but his driver's license had been suspended. Also, the man did not have proof of insurance. So the officer impounded the Cadillac and arrested the man. According to the police report, the man "had cash amount of $11,300 on him." His money was turned in to police property.

Items in the Blotter are taken from actual Atlanta police reports. The Blotter Diva compiles them and puts them into her own words.

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