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Bizarre crimes from Atlanta police reports

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SMOOTH MOVE: A 34-year-old man said he called his ex-girlfriend because he needed a ride to pick up his son from school. He said while they were in the car, his ex-girlfriend asked him about his birthday. "He stated he told her they are no longer in that type of relationship and not to worry about his birthday," an officer wrote. Apparently, his ex-girlfriend got upset about that. The man said he got out of her car and started to walk away, but the ex-girlfriend drove up to him and pointed a pistol at him. The man said he took off running and she drove away. No further info.

SCREEN PASS, PART I: A woman called police and said she found a flat-screen TV in the front yard of her home on Hidden Oak Court. She doesn't know how the flat-screen TV got there. "She stated that just about every house in her cul-de-sac has been burglarized in the last two weeks," an officer wrote. The woman refused to give any personal information to police -- she just wanted them to remove the TV from her yard. An officer took the flat-screen TV and turned it in to police property.

SCREEN PASS, PART II: On Bolfair Drive, a 24-year-old woman said she returned home and walked into the living room and saw a woman leaving with her television. (It's a 32-inch flat-screen TV.) She said a second woman walked in, whom she recognized because she does this woman's hair. The 24-year-old woman said she tackled her hair client and threw her into her glass table. But then four other women carrying bats walked in, she said. The 24-year-old said she fought three women -- while two women went into the bedrooms and smashed mirrors with bats. Then the women reportedly left. The 24-year-old woman said her hair client left in a white Mercedes.

Before this incident, the 24-year-old said she got a call from her hair client saying that they know she has money now and they were going to rob her. But she has since erased the telephone message.

DON'T BE AN ASSHOLE DRIVER: A woman said she was driving her red car on Decatur Street around 7 a.m. when she stopped at a traffic light. She said a driver in the turning lane wanted to move over -- so the driver threw something, striking the rear of her car. Then, she said, the driver leaned out his window and threw a cup of coffee on her car. She said the driver pointed his finger at her and called her a stupid bitch. She described the driver as a heavyset man in a black car. The officer wrote, "I observed a liquid substance dripping from the vehicle."

TIME FOR A NEW BOYFRIEND: A woman flagged down a police officer on Greenbriar Parkway. She said she and her 32-year-old boyfriend were in the car, arguing about the boyfriend watching females. She said her boyfriend threw a drink on her, pushed her face, jumped out of the car and walked away. About 15 minutes later, police found the boyfriend and charged him with disorderly conduct.

TIME FOR A NEW GIRLFRIEND: A man said he argued with his girlfriend and left his home on Collier Road. He said when he returned, the girlfriend had bleached three of his jean jackets. He said the girlfriend also has his truck. He said she was supposed to return the truck keys by putting them under his porch mat. But no keys were there.

VISION QUEST: A 37-year-old man said he parked his blue Jaguar outside his apartment building on Peachtree Place. He said during the night, someone broke out a passenger-side window and took one item. The only item reported missing: a pair of prescription glasses, worth $100. The officer could not dust for fingerprints, because it had been raining all night.

STRANGE Hygiene: A man said he parked his truck on Church Street around 2:30 a.m., and went to meet a friend. He said when he returned about 20 minutes later, someone had broken into his truck and stolen two of his white pit bull puppies. So the man called police. An officer arrived to check out the scene. According to the officer's report, the man said he did not want police to dust his car for fingerprints because he "did not want his car dirtied."

HOW MUCH FOR A BATHROOM? A police officer was at a post office on Howell Mill Road when he saw a 62-year-old man -- who appeared very intoxicated -- walk inside. The man said he was looking for a restroom and the officer said there is no public restroom at this post office. According to the police report, the man shouted that he was going to "piss all over the god damn place!" The officer told him to leave and the man complied. He reportedly went to a McDonald's next door -- where he was booted again. The man allegedly went to the post office parking lot and shouted obscenities and asked people for money. He was arrested for disorderly conduct while under the influence.

WHAT LINE OF WORK? A 62-year-old man said he was loading his car on East Paces Ferry Road around 6:20 p.m. He said he put his briefcase on the ground beside his car and drove away. He said he forgot to put the briefcase inside his car. When he realized his briefcase was not there, he returned to the parking lot but the briefcase was gone. He said his briefcase contained a dictaphone, checkbooks and a handgun.

Items in the Blotter are taken from actual Atlanta police reports. The Blotter Diva compiles them and puts them into her own words.

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