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Bizarre crimes from Atlanta police reports



You say you want a resolution? We know. You've been bad. And now it's that time once again. Time to face your foibles and resolve to turn this shaky life around. The Blotter Diva has assembled some handy-dandy New Year's resolutions that may help. Or at least nudge you into feeling better about your own mild failings.

RESOLUTION No. 1 -- DON'T LIVE WITH BULLSHIT PEOPLE: On Bowen Street, a 33-year-old woman said she talked to her two female roommates about them paying their rent. She said one roommate got upset, grabbed a hot curling iron and waved it in her face. The woman said she asked the roommate to stop, but the roommate waved the hot curling iron closer and closer to her face.

The woman said the other roommate started screaming and waving her hand in her face. Then she said both roommates teamed up and kept yelling, pointing, and screaming in her face.

She said one roommate accused her of taking a wine glass and said she was not going to pay her part of the rent money. The roommate reportedly said, "By the time you do anything, I'll be long gone."

She said the roommates kept harassing her until she left and now she is afraid to go home.

RESOLUTION NO. 2 -- GET OVER TIM TEBOW: 'Twas the night before the SEC championship game and a police officer was working an extra job at a bar on Roswell Road. The bar was having "an Alabama Crimson Tide event, ahead of the game the next day against the Florida Gators," an officer noted. A 40-year-old man wearing "a homemade Tim Tebow shirt and other Florida Gator colors, entered the premises and began yelling and causing a disturbance directed toward all the Alabama fans." The man reportedly tried to cut in line and enter the bar without paying the $10 cover charge.

The man "continued to yell Florida Gator stuff, while refusing to pay and still trying to enter the premises." The officer asked the man to leave. About three minutes later, the man returned – and the officer told him to leave again.

Once outside, the man allegedly blocked a sidewalk and "continued to harass several Alabama fans in the area as well as continually tell me it was his birthday," the officer wrote. Then the man's sister walked up and she appeared highly intoxicated. She yelled at the officer, saying she is in law school and she knows her rights, and her brother does not have to move.

The officer gave the man a final warning to move and the man refused. The 40-year-old man went to jail on several disorderly conduct charges. He lives on Rebel Valley Way in Atlanta.

RESOLUTION NO. 3 -- TAKE ANGER MANAGEMENT CLASSES: A 38-year-old woman allegedly destroyed a Christmas tree at an auto parts store. Moments beforehand, she reportedly harassed a 24-year-old man. Then she "got upset, grabbed the store Christmas Tree, tore the tree apart and threw it," an officer wrote. "After destroying the tree, [she] walked up to the front door of the store and kicked the glass, causing heavy damage." During arrest, the woman told the officer, "Fuck the police" and "I am going to kill you when I get out."

RESOLUTION No. 4 -- DON'T LIE: A 22-year-old woman called police and said she got spoiled food at a Chinese cafeteria on Campbellton Road and she wanted her money back.

The restaurant manager said the woman ordered some food, ate more than half the meal, and then she claimed the food was spoiled and she asked for a new plate of food. So the manager gave her a new plate of food. According to the manager, the woman also ate half of the second plate of food, then she returned the plate and asked for her money back.

The manager refused to refund her money -- he said neither plate had spoiled food. So the woman called police, saying she wanted her money back. So an officer went to the restaurant. "I observed the remaining two 'half-plates' and they did not seem spoiled at the time of report," an officer wrote. No charges filed.

RESOLUTION No. 5 -- FACE YOUR WEAKNESS: Around 3:30 p.m., a man driving a 2009 black Nissan Murano allegedly hit a gold car stopped at a red light on Cheshire Bridge Road. The accident caused severe damage, leaving the gold car undriveable. The man allegedly backed up his Nissan, removed his own bumper, and drove away.

The driver of the gold car wrote down the Nissan's tag number and called police. An officer radioed a lookout for a Nissan Murano without a front bumper. A few minutes later, another officer spotted the Nissan stalled on I-75/85 at the 17th Street exit ramp. The driver was still in the car.

Police asked the man whether he had been drinking. "He said he had been drinking earlier but had only two glasses of wine at the Heretic," an officer wrote. "[His] words were slurred and he smelled strongly of alcohol. He had no problems walking, but he did not make a lot of sense and kept repeating himself, saying, 'Seriously, Officer, I just want to ask you something.' He never did ask me anything."

The man agreed to take a blood test for alcohol and drugs. An officer wrote, "[The man] was then transported to Grady [Memorial] Hospital and on the way he kept rambling incoherently to himself. Saying that he never should have gotten out of AA and that his father raised him to be better than this, and that he had been sober 18 months before today."

RESOLUTION No. 6 -- DEAL WITH YOUR SHOE FETISH: A 38-year-old woman said someone broke into her car outside her home on Grant Terrace. Items reported missing include a portable CD player, and her gym bag, which contained seven pairs of Jordan tennis shoes. (The shoes are worth an estimated $1,000.)

Items in the Blotter are taken from actual Atlanta police reports. The Blotter Diva compiles them and puts them into her own words.

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