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Bizarre crimes from Atlanta police reports

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WEIRD WEB: A woman said she got into an argument with her ex-boyfriend, nicknamed "Spiderman." She said her ex-boyfriend got mad because she wouldn't give him any more of her pain pills. She said he pushed her out of her wheelchair, twisted her arm, and slapped her face. The incident reportedly happened in a parking lot on Decatur Street. Apparently, her ex-boyfriend fled before police arrived. She said "Spiderman" wore a black shirt and dark-colored jeans with spider designs. (He is 30 years old.) Medics took her to Grady Memorial Hospital.

SELF-DEFEATING STRATEGY? Around 1 a.m., two officers were patrolling Ira Street. They reported a 44-year-old woman walking in the middle of the road yelling, "Fuck the police." According to the police report, the woman was very belligerent and disorderly and she didn't have any ID, so police handcuffed her. "[She] said she was gong to kill me and my mother," an officer wrote. "[She] advised that three males on the corner are going to go get guns and kill us when we came back to the neighborhood. [She] spit on me twice and tried to spit on [the other officer]." She reportedly told police to "suck my dick, cracker." Police took her to the detention center at Grady Memorial Hospital. "[She] kicked me in my left leg ... [she] had no visible injuries and advised she was hurting all over," an officer wrote.

STUPID MOVE OF THE WEEK: A 50-year-old woman said she put her car in a school parking lot on Rodgers Street. She said she left her purse inside her car, on the floorboard -- and left $800 inside the purse. She told police that someone entered her car and removed $400 from her purse. Her car wasn't damaged, an officer noted. (The Blotter Diva has many questions. Why would someone leave $800 in a purse, inside a car? Also, why would an alleged thief only steal half the money -- and leave $400 bucks behind?)

HANGING ON THE TELEPHONE: On Jonesboro Road, a woman reported harassing calls from telemarketing workers with a ministry group. According to the police report, the ministry telemarketers "have blatantly told her that they will continue to call her at their will, regardless of her will -- regardless of her warning to report it to police. Therefore, she is reporting blatant harassment."

FUN TO STAY AT THE YMCA: A police officer reported that a 54-year-old man started talking to him, near Peachtree Center and Ellis. The officer said the man followed him, "keeping up with my fast-paced walking." Eventually, the officer asked, why are you following me? "[He] replied that I looked like someone who could help him." The officer said when they got to the intersection of Spring and Marietta streets, the man asked for $8 to get into the YMCA. No, the officer said. "When I told him no, he asked for $8 again and told me he was going to get kicked out of the YMCA. [He] then told me the $8 could get him a room for a month." The officer arrested the man for disorderly conduct and took him to jail.

SCAM-O-RAMA: On Marietta Street, a 28-year-old woman said a man approached her and said he was just robbed. The man reportedly said he gave his money to another woman who was supposed to find him an apartment. At this point, two other women apparently showed up and said apartments were torn down. According to the 28-year-old woman, the man asked her where she keeps her money -- and she showed him. She said he pulled out a handkerchief that appeared to contain money, and asked her to put her money on top of his -- and to bless the money. The woman said she complied -- and he gave her the handkerchief. (She believed that he had returned her money.) She said the man asked her to meet him later at the McDonald's on Broad Street because he doesn't trust the other two women with his money. So, she reportedly went to the McDonald's later, but the man didn't show up -- and when she opened the handkerchief, it was full of newspaper. She said she lost $142 cash.

FORTIES ARE THE NEW HORNY: Around 6:15 p.m., an officer was patrolling Chattahoochee Park, when he saw a white Ford F-150. The officer reported a 43-year-old man in the driver's seat with the seat fully reclined. His pants were pulled down to his ankles and his genitals were exposed," the officer wrote, adding that a woman was performing oral sex on the man. The officer knocked on the window and ordered the couple out of the car. The man, age 43, and the woman, age 44, were charged with indecent exposure and taken to jail. The man lives on Big Tree Pointe in Villa Rica, Georgia.

NO GOOD DEED GOES UNPUNISHED: A 28-year-old woman said her car ran out of gas around 7 a.m., at the intersection of Boulevard and McDonough Boulevard. She said an unknown man helped her get gas for her car ... and after they finished refueling, she realized her wallet was missing. She said she doesn't know how the suspect got her wallet -- because she had her wallet when she paid for the gas, and she didn't leave the wallet at the gas station.

STAYING CLEAN, IN JAIL: At a grocery store on Piedmont Avenue, a 27-year-old woman allegedly stole four bottles of dishwashing liquid (worth $7 total). Police arrested her for shoplifting.

At a grocery store on Ponce de Leon Avenue, a 47-year-old man allegedly put a can of Air Wick Ultra inside his jacket and tried to leave. He was charged with shoplifting. The air freshener is worth $12.

Items in the Blotter are taken from actual Atlanta police reports. The Blotter Diva compiles them and puts them into her own words.

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