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Best of the Blotter: Bizarre crimes

Three pairs of women's shoes, 13 packs of Doral cigarettes and two deep fryers that have pictures of Jesus -- a weird, wacky trip into Atlanta's criminal intent

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The woman left the dentist's office and called police.

DON'T-TRY-THIS-AT-HOME AWARD: A 55-year-old woman was walking to her car in the parking lot of an office building on 14th Street. A man pulled out a handgun and demanded her purse, she said. Here's her story of defeating crime: The woman looked him in the eye, threw her purse over her shoulder and said if he wanted her purse, he could come get it. "You should get a job," the woman said. The man put the gun in his pants and said he was just joking. "No, you weren't joking," the woman replied. Again, she told him to get a job.

The man walked away. The woman and her purse were both fine.

LOVE HURTS

CALLING DR. PHIL: A married couple got into a spat at their home on Westboro Drive. According to the husband, it started when his wife asked him to take her out to eat. The husband, 51, said their money was running low and it would be better if they made a meal from the food in the refrigerator. His wife got furious, he said. She grabbed a handgun from the back bedroom and said, "If you don't want to take me to get something to eat, you ain't takin' nobody to get anything to eat." Then she walked onto the porch and shot the front tire on their Toyota Camry. The husband recently had a heart transplant and the "least excitement can cause irreversible damage," according to the police report.

The wife was jailed for assault.

GO TO UTAH, PLEASE: A 41-year-old woman says her husband is following her and making harassing phone calls. The woman says she is married to this man, but it is a false marriage due to the fact that he is married to another woman.

She described her "husband" as having freckles and overlapping teeth. Also, the husband has tattoos of a Native American, a wolf and a Rebel flag.

KEEP IT IN THE FAMILY: At an apartment on Bolton Road, a woman said her boyfriend was angry because she started dating his sister. She said her boyfriend damaged her window -- for the second time. The boyfriend, 29, fled before police arrived.

TRUE LOVE, BABY: A 44-year-old man allegedly tried to steal a box of tampons and a bottle of Advil from a grocery store on Ponce de Leon Avenue. He was charged with shoplifting and went to jail.

REALITY IS FOR SISSIES

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PANTS OPTIONAL: A sweaty man in boxer shorts was causing a ruckus in the parking lot of an apartment complex on Peachtree Hills Circle. An officer managed to locate his pants about 100 yards from the man. The officer asked, "Why did you take your pants off?" The man continually talked about 9/11 and how before the events of Sept. 11, things were different. Back then, he said, people did not have names, cars, AIDS or drugs like the ones he was on.

Police charged him with disorderly conduct under the influence. The man admitted he was on "meth."

TROUBLE AT THE GOLDEN ARCHES: A man who calls himself "Kissing Bandit" was causing a disturbance at a McDonald's on Jesse Hill Jr. Drive. Employees said Kissing Bandit simply refused to leave. A police officer had a chat with him. Turns out Kissing Bandit apparently had just been released from the psychiatric ward at Grady Memorial Hospital and deemed healthy.

Finally, Kissing Bandit decided to leave the McDonald's. Police said he walked outside and laid down in the middle of the street, causing cars to stop. Kissing Bandit was charged with "pedestrian in roadway" and taken to jail.

RATTED OUT: Police responded to a call about a man lying in the roadway on Cheshire Bridge Road. The man told police he was kidnapped by flesh-eating people that would defecate rats -- the rats would then become people. Then the man said his name was Joshualamb Getto (which, of course, wasn't his real name). An ambulance arrived, but the man said he didn't need medical attention.

Police eventually identified the man, who is 36. The man was completely sober at the time of arrest.

SMELL THE MAGIC: A 43-year-old woman said someone was emitting a poisonous gas into her house on Meredith Drive. She wanted police to check it out. Two officers walked through her house -- and smelled nothing. The woman insisted that a room smelled like garlic. The woman said she had the same problem when she lived in two other houses. Also, the woman said, the other night after she finished watching "America's Most Wanted," she saw a man wearing a black ski mask standing in the rear of her house. In addition, the woman believes that her former housekeeper left Brillo pads inside the kitchen sink, which somehow caused the poisonous gases.

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