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Best of the Blotter: Bizarre crimes

Three pairs of women's shoes, 13 packs of Doral cigarettes and two deep fryers that have pictures of Jesus -- a weird, wacky trip into Atlanta's criminal intent



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The man was arrested for littering and taken to jail.

A MAN WALKED INTO A CONVENIENCE STORE on Lee Street and tried to buy some cigarettes, a clerk said. He wanted to pay with a $200 bill. The store clerk examined the $200 bill and noticed that it had a picture of President George W. Bush on it. The clerk said he refused the sale, and the man left without the bill. The novelty $200 bill was turned in to police as evidence.


WHAT WOULD JESUS DO?: In Midtown, a middle-aged woman walked up to a police officer and said, "I was trying to warn this man about snakes falling from that tree. Jesus told me there are snakes in that tree. I was only trying to save his life."

According to the woman, the man said the word "pussy" to her. She said she told the man: "I am a holy woman and would not be spoken to that way."

The officer talked to the man. He said the woman walked by several times, and stopped once to "warn me about snakes in the trees, you know, something about Jesus."

The officer asked, "Did you say anything to her?"


The man said, "I was just reading my book. No, I did not say anything to her. But she did come back again and said that if I didn't get off this wall, [the Atlanta police department] will get me off it."

The officer's partner said he had contact with this woman in the past, for mental health problems. No charges filed.

SOUL GAMES: A 30-year-old man said he got home from work and found a checker/chess board in front of his apartment on Piedmont Avenue. A note was taped to the board. It read: "To [the man] from Satan. Welcome to hell. Play with me and you'll see the dead. It's not in your head Satan."

Turns out the game board came from the lobby of the apartment complex.

The man said he didn't know who was responsible for the threatening note/game board. Also, the man said he had been in conflict with evil spirits prior to this incident.

FRY DADDY: A middle-aged woman said someone broke into her apartment on Cleveland Avenue and stole three pairs of women's shoes, 13 packs of Doral cigarettes and two deep fryers with pictures of Jesus on them.

FALLEN ANGEL: A woman on Maywood Drive said her brother was outside her house and wouldn't leave. When a police officer showed up, the brother was bleeding from cuts on his hands. The officer asked, "How were you hurt?" The brother said he was shot in the head, and pellets were in his head, and there was blood on his face. The officer wrote, "I did not see any injuries to his head, nor did I see blood on his face."

The brother said everyone in his neighborhood was shooting at him all night, and they were all out to get him. Also, he said, he had a halo around his head and an angel on his back and that X-rays would prove it. He repeated that he had pellets in his head, and he wanted X-rays to prove it.

Several hours ago, he had a few drinks and smoked some crack, he admitted. Medics examined the man: The only injuries they found were cuts on his hand. He went to Grady Memorial Hospital.

PLEASE ALLOW ME TO INTRODUCE MYSELF: A 37-year-old man said a stranger approached him on Peachtree Street at 3 p.m. and threatened to stab him with a knife until he was dead. The 37-year-old went to his car and called police. An officer arrived. While the officer was talking to the 37-year-old, the stranger cursed and threatened the officer. The officer handcuffed the stranger, and asked for his name. "He said that his name is Lucifer Hell," noted the officer. The officer then asked him his birthdate.

"Old as dirt," replied the man who claimed to be Lucifer.

"While talking to Mr. Hell, he made several threats against my life," noted the officer. Police ran a computer check of the name "Lucifer Hell" and it was not on file. Mr. Hell went to jail.


FOWL PLAY: An undercover cop said a 45-year-old woman flagged him down at Lethea Street and Lakewood Avenue. He said she hopped into his car and asked if he wanted a date. "Yes," the cop said, "how much do you need?" The woman said she needed $1.99 for sex, so she could buy a three-piece chicken meal at Church's Chicken.


The woman was arrested for prostitution.

(Note: The Blotter Diva has been scouring police reports for about a zillion years, and $1.99 for sex is the lowest price she can recall in the entire history of the Blotter. That chicken must be mighty tasty!)

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