I'll be honest and say that my love for my partner of many years has diminished over time. I still care for him, but the deep love that I once had for him is now gone. I've not been completely faithful to him because I have sexual needs he doesn't meet.
Just over a month ago, I was on Xtube viewing some videos for pleasure, and I came across a video of two men having sex — and since I've been with my lover for so long, I know what his body looks like.
In the video a guy was penetrating my partner (which is something that Mr. X has never allowed me to do to him). Mr. X's face was covered, but I know what every part of his body looks like. I haven't mentioned this to Mr. X, but I just don't know what to do.
I realize now that I have nothing left in my heart for him, but financially, I'm not able to leave at this time and I don't want to start problems at home. What should I do? Should I bring it to his attention and stop acting like I love him? Or do I just sit on what I know until I'm financially able to leave (which could be a few months)? If I have to leave right away, I have some friends that I could stay with for a while until I find my own place. But my biggest issue is that I've been in a relationship so long I don't know how to start over, I don't want to start over and I hate the idea of getting to know new people and entering the dating game all over again.
The only way this story could be more fucked is if you'd jerked off to the video. There are so many levels of wrong with what your boyfriend did I don't know whether I should start numerically, alphabetically or categorically.
Make no mistake, this is the biggest "fuck you" anybody's ever hurled at you. How much hostility must you have not just to cheat on your partner, but to film it and put it on a porn-sharing site? Even Kim Kardashian's heels never touched a ceiling that high.
You didn't mention whether you saw a condom in the video, but I'm going to assume there was none because, really, what puts the "!" in "fuck you!" better than that?
On the question of leaving, it isn't about if, but how. Unless you're in physical danger, I would absolutely bring it up before you leave. Just make sure you've got a plan in case he throws you out.
My first instinct is to bring up the conversation by handing him a drink and saying, "Honey, you look like you need a margarita. Salt?" Then throw it in his face. But, on second thought, why waste a perfectly good margarita? I'd bring it up mainly because how the fuck couldn't you? But I'd do it calmly, for self-preservation's sake. If you're that reliant on him, it would not serve you to get tequila in his eyes.
Bring it up. State your intention to leave as soon as possible. But, most importantly, guilt him into paying for the cost of moving and rent. It's the least this bastard could do.
Got a burning or why-is-it burning question for the Sexorcist? Email him at email@example.com. Mike Alvear is the author of Meet The Hottie In The Corner. The 21 Day Plan To Overcome Your Fear Of Rejection, Master The Art Of Icebreakers And Snag Guys You Never Thought You Could Get and teaches monthly blogging workshops with Hollis Gillespie.