'Twas the holiday eve, when all through the house
Not a user was clicking on a cordless mouse;
Our wish-lists were sent with care through e-mail
With hopes St. Nick would scan them without fail.
The children lay snug with quilts over their bods
While thousands of songs played on their iPods.
Switching off lights throughout our abode,
I looked forward to shutting down to sleep mode.
When from the home office there arose such a clatter
I nearly tripped over the three-prong adapter!
My flat-screen monitor came on with a zap
Disturbing our cat from its long winter's nap.
When what to my wondering eyes should I see
But a diminutive hologram -- in perfect 3-D!
I found myself start to go weak in the legs
When I saw the strange figure, and eight prancing JPEGs.
He'd updated his look, but anyone would know
That this jolly pop-up was St. Nick 2.0.
More rapid than DSL his icons they came
And with Flash animation he spelled out each name.
"Now eBay! Now Netflix! Now Powells and Amazon!
On Kozmo! On SafePets, PayPal and Half.com!"
He halted his team with a series of whistles
And I looked at Kris Kringle, now made from pixels.
His coat was as red as the Scarlet Pimpernel
And he wore an arm splint to prevent carpal tunnel.
He dragged over his pack from a close data port
(And, frankly, could've used some lumbar support).
He moved swiftly across my computer's desktop
And opened some Zip files with a sound-effect "pop."
Booting up the mail software, he moved quick as a fox
And downloaded gift credits into every inbox.
He glanced back my way, and with an emoticon wink ;-)
He compressed himself before I could think.
But he left a sound file, as he departed our lives,
That said, "Happy e-holidays! Back up your hard drives!"
Survival of the Hippest
CL's Holiday Guide 2006
- The Holiday A&E Top 10
- Trailer-trash holiday-movie preview
- The gift of the gift set
- Shopping for the arts, the crafts, the cool
- Recipes that kill at holiday gatherings
- A holiday download
- How not to make a Christmas movie
- Cookbooks as gifts
- Surprising new holiday albums from Bette to Bootsy