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A Holiday Download

From St. Nicholas

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'Twas the holiday eve, when all through the house

Not a user was clicking on a cordless mouse;

Our wish-lists were sent with care through e-mail

With hopes St. Nick would scan them without fail.

The children lay snug with quilts over their bods

While thousands of songs played on their iPods.

Switching off lights throughout our abode,

I looked forward to shutting down to sleep mode.

When from the home office there arose such a clatter

I nearly tripped over the three-prong adapter!

My flat-screen monitor came on with a zap

Disturbing our cat from its long winter's nap.

When what to my wondering eyes should I see

But a diminutive hologram -- in perfect 3-D!

I found myself start to go weak in the legs

When I saw the strange figure, and eight prancing JPEGs.

He'd updated his look, but anyone would know

That this jolly pop-up was St. Nick 2.0.

More rapid than DSL his icons they came

And with Flash animation he spelled out each name.

"Now eBay! Now Netflix! Now Powells and Amazon!

On Kozmo! On SafePets, PayPal and Half.com!"

He halted his team with a series of whistles

And I looked at Kris Kringle, now made from pixels.

His coat was as red as the Scarlet Pimpernel

And he wore an arm splint to prevent carpal tunnel.

He dragged over his pack from a close data port

(And, frankly, could've used some lumbar support).

He moved swiftly across my computer's desktop

And opened some Zip files with a sound-effect "pop."

Booting up the mail software, he moved quick as a fox

And downloaded gift credits into every inbox.

He glanced back my way, and with an emoticon wink ;-)

He compressed himself before I could think.

But he left a sound file, as he departed our lives,

That said, "Happy e-holidays! Back up your hard drives!"

curt.Holman@creativeloafing.com


Survival of the Hippest

CL's Holiday Guide 2006


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