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A chat with God

Move over, Sonny Perdue


You'd be hard-pressed to find a display of political opportunism as fulsomely vulgar as last week's rally in which Gov. "I Lub Me Some God" Perdue and a bipartisan host of sympathizers climbed over one another on the Capitol steps in a mad rush to show their support for displaying the Ten Commandments on government property.

"The Supreme Court may be the final judicial authority in our land, but they are not the ultimate authority," Perdue said, making not a lick of sense. This is tantamount to saying that he, although ostensibly representing only one opinion, actually stands in as God's mouthpiece. Hey, if him, why not me? Following is my recent chat with God.

'Sup, God?

Busy, busy day. I've been unhappy that, contrary to my instructions, your people have not been killing witches and disrespectful children, including those who curse their parents. I have literally witnessed men jerking off and not washing their entire bodies afterward. I've seen fools eating shellfish and I've watched your government fail to execute adulterers, people who work on Sunday, blasphemers and those who eat animal fat and blood.

Ah, yes, some of your minor "commandments" from Leviticus and Exodus. Now, tell me the truth. Do you believe that stuff?

Hey, it's in the Bible. It has to be true!

Right. Now about these Ten Commandments ...

Written in stone with my own finger! Channeled by Moses. They are not a bad guideline to a moral religious life, even with the usual variation in the Protestant, Catholic and Hebrew recording of them.

I noticed you said "religious life." Are you saying they are inapplicable as a moral code without a religious belief?

I am saying quite simply that they were given as guidelines to believers in me. After all, the first Commandment requires a belief in me. All the others are predicated upon that.

Yet here in America, many people claim our constitutional law is based on Christianity -- even that there is no actual requirement of church/state separation.

Owing to my long life and infinite wisdom, I can assure you that is utter nonsense. First of all, the argument that your Constitution doesn't explicitly require separation of church and state is purely rhetorical. By that logic, there would be no reason to allow women to vote, since the Constitution did not explicitly allow it. These sickening moneychangers on the Capitol steps have lost memory of their high school civics classes.

Second, look at my Commandments! The second, third and fourth prohibit graven images, taking of my name in vain and work on the Sabbath. Number five requires honoring mother and father. I go on to outlaw adultery and coveting your neighbor's wife and livestock. Please notice that none of these is illegal under federal law, while murder, theft and certain forms of lying are. The point is that all but three of my Commandments have no part in your law, and the three that do are also prohibited under nearly all societies' laws. On this basis, my Commandments belong in your courthouse corridors less than -- I don't know -- instructions on washing your hands after using the bathroom ... or jerking off.

Fine. But some of our loonier Christians actually do believe violation of your Commandments -- even some of the stuff in Leviticus, such as the taboo against homosexuality -- should also be violations of the law.

Then they are not Christians. The coming of Christ was about liberation from the law, of Leviticus in particular, and the conferral of grace upon all people. May I quote Paul, Romans (10:4)? "For Christ is the end of the law, that everyone who has faith may be justified." And then there is Galatians 3:23-29: "Now before faith came, we were confined under the law, kept under the restraint until faith should be revealed. So that the law was our custodian until Christ came. But now that faith has come, we are no longer under a custodian. For in Christ Jesus you are all sons of God through faith." Galatians 2:21 says "... If righteousness comes by the law, then Christ is dead in vain." I could go on. Matthew says quite clearly that the foundational commandments are love of God and one's neighbor. Hello, people! Read your Bibles!

So what is the appropriate action regarding the posting of the Commandments in federal buildings?

Summarily, they have very little to do with your law, and their importance is superseded by the grace brought by Jesus. If you want to organize a miserable church based on Old Testament law and pick and choose which laws you follow and which you ignore, have at it. I do believe your Constitution guarantees freedom of worship, but it in no way enables people to impose their peculiar understanding of Christianity on the legal system. I doubt, for example, federal law would abide killing members of the congregation for fucking around and eating lard.

Anything else, God?

Yeah. Get rid of Bush.

I knew God was on my side!

Cliff Bostock's website is

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